Wild and Precious Life

2011-06-30T10:58:00.003+02:00

Tell me what is it you plan to do with your wild and precious life ~Mary Oliver~

When I came across this quote by Mary Oliver it struck a chord deep inside me, I had become so wrapped up in my everyday struggle to survive that I had forgotten I have a whole wild and precious life ahead of me. That dispite Syd no longer being with me I have an infinite amount of possibilites open to me, that my dreams are still obtainable and that now more than ever I should hold tight to them and put them into action.

I have written about the familiar, and the need to return, but I feel the core of what was 'So this is life' has changed. I am changed, I am calmer, less in control and my life will never be the same. There are days where I beg and plead for one more day, to hold my husband, to talk to him and to feel his heartbeat against me but for the most part I have embraced the calmer me.

I have learned to accept that my house will never be perfectly neat again and I no longer stress about it. I have come to accept that the expectation of perfection from myself will ultimately be my demise. I have learned that sometimes, letting go is the most beautiful release.

I have embraced my role as a single mother and have learned to be a child once more so that I may too see the beauty and marvel that they do. My essence is still there but circumstances have molded me into something different, someone I am beginning to like and who will follow her heart into the unknown for the adventure and not for the sake of taking breath to live.

So, this is life is a closed chapter in my book...for now I will enjoy my wild and precious life.

2011-05-30T13:46:00.005+02:00

One year and one month is all it took for everything to change.

The dunes at our beach...

migrated over the road

Dad's hand...

became Mom's

and the bared bummed babe...

became a boy

One year and one month, that's all it took for everything to change. Everything except that hideous skirt.

2011-05-23T10:16:00.002+02:00

“Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some people move our souls to dance. They awaken us to a new understanding with the passing whisper of their wisdom. Some people make the sky more beautiful to gaze upon. They stay in our lives for awhile, leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never, ever the same.”
~Flavia Weedn ~

We all have those people, not the obvious connections, our family or close friends, but those who are with us for a short period of time. Those who, although now no longer are a part of you, somehow have managed to make such a lasting impression that when we speak of our defining moments, they inevitably are the 1st that come to mind.

In my darkest moment, in a time when I no longer wanted to exist, such a person came into my life. My mind was fractured, my soul nearing collapse. I could make no sense of the world after what I had endured. I remember standing in front of her in my school uniform, not wanting to confront the maddening crowds, knowing that they all had their child like innocence and I had none. In that moment I uttered something, I cannot remember what it was, it must have been something that reflected the darkness I felt. What she said to me has stuck, it is the defining moment of my life, and I would never have survived Syd's death without those words on endless repeat in my head. "You are beautiful, you are intelligent, you will be successful. Sometimes life sucks, and what has happened is disgusting, unthinkable, but you will survive, you are a fighter because the world would not be the same without you"!

When Syd died I didn't stop moving, my mind was a whirling mess of thoughts, I willed my body to move constantly. I feared that if I stopped my world would cave in, that I would not be able to get out of bed. For weeks I survived on very few hours sleep, my life a daily commute between banks, work, taking care of our child, food, shopping and when I had nothing else to do, an endless stream of washing. I found myself one Saturday, after putting our son down for a nap, at a loose end the itch to do something, anything taking over. I walked out in the pouring rain to get my post. In amongst the bills was a post card with something so simple written on it. I sat, stared at it, without reading the name, I knew who it was from... I had stopped moving, when I looked at the time more than 30 minutes had past. My world still standing, my mind cleansed from the tears I had cried. My guardian angel once again reminding me that I am worth it, another footprint on my heart, another defining moment creating the new me.

2011-05-17T19:38:00.002+02:00

It is said that human beings will always return to what is familiar to them. Even those who crave change, seek that which is comfortable to them.

But what becomes of those who's familiar is ripped from them... when our sanctity ceases to be?

We are forced into a rebirth, a situation of relearning all that we have been taught.

I remember reading with ferver the story of Matt, Liz and Madeline. My heart aching for his what could've been. When my own husband was ripped from me, I stopped reading. His pain became a reflection of my own. I couldn't write, fearing the words I committed to this space would reflect the starkness of my life.

In these first few months of being ripped from the womb, I am relearning to live... to feel. I am conciously aware of the beauty of what is around us... of the complexity of our intertwined lives.

This has always been one of the fundamental spaces. A place where I can be who I am. Where my musings and uniqe views on humanity can be expressed. This is my familiar.

It will as always be a little dark, mostly funny and sometimes, maybe sad but it is mine.

Human beings always return to the familiar...

2010-08-18T08:10:00.002+02:00

Dear Readers,

So much has happened in the last 2 months, so many thoughts and too many what ifs.
Cancer is a terrible disease, it doesn't only eat at the person suffering from it, but it tears at the very fibre of you family. It irrefutably changes the essence of everyone, including your family dynamic. It leaves you questioning your faith, and living in a world of cynicism. You no longer believe that miracles happen, all you see, feel and experience, is the moment. Your life is filled with Doctor's visits, bad news and waiting for the next symptom to rear it's ugly head. Like wise the reprocutions live for generations, the stigma is attached to you and your family for generations to come. Your child becomes the kid who lost his father/mother to cancer and as they grow they become the adult who lost his father/mother to cancer and eventually it is past on to the next generation.

Yesterday, I lost my friend to this terrible disease. The woman who cared, nurtured and loved Jordan when I had to go back to work. The woman who became my family and who fought with every fibre in her being to stay alive. I cannot describe what it was like to watch an 80 plus kilogram woman, fade away to less than 40 kilograms in less than half a year. It highlighted for me, the enormity of what is to come, not only physically, but emotionally too. It showed me the stigma Syd's children will endure for the rest of their lives.

This has become a deeply personal journey for our family, a journey of loss, not just in the future, but in the right now. I have thought long and hard about my roll as Jordan's mother, and how important it is for me to protect him, even a little, from the stigma that is to be attached to him. As we start the beginning of the end, I have come to realise that perhaps Jordan would not want his father's final months available for the world to see.

For now, I will continue to write for Syd to Jordan on pen and paper. Maybe when he is older, and with his blessing, he will allow people to see what transpired, but that will be his choice to make. Perhaps, at some point I will be able to write about my life again, but not right now.

I will continue to read everyone's updates, and although comments may be few and far between, I will hold each of you in my thoughts.

So, this is goodbye, not forever, just for now. Love fiercely, cherish each moment, hold tightly to your dreams, and enjoy the journey.

2 Months After Diagnosis

2010-06-17T12:14:00.008+02:00

Dear Jordan,

Your diary is late because I have hit somewhat of a snag. I just don't know how I'm supposed to end this memoir to you. Dad says I'll know when it's the right time. But somehow I'm not too sure.

Dad and I went to Mozambique together. What a magical place. You stayed with your Grumpy and Granny. Dad and I really has so much fun and we spent some quality time together, discussing Dad's wishes and our way forward. By the time we came home though, I was missing you so much. I vowed never to leave you at home again.

After we came back. Dad had his follow up appointment. I don't know what we expected, that perhaps the disease had somehow left him, maybe it was the holiday, and not thinking about it, or maybe it's because Dad looks so good. The cancer has spread to his glands, and both his lungs are filling with fluid again. There is nothing the medical fraternity can do about it. So we wait and see.

I so wish I could freeze time for you my son. I wish there were no discussions about funerals, estates and wishes for remains. I pray for more time, to give you the opportunity to spend it with your Dad. When I see how quickly you are growing I am so very proud, but so very sad too. When you walk down the passage shouting Dad, Dad my heart melts, and my mind races, wondering how long you have left to do that. But for now, we continue to be thankful that you have blessed our lives and that you can grow and feel our love for you.

We love you forever and always our son,

Dad and Mom

1 Month After Diagnosis

2010-04-13T10:16:00.009+02:00

Dear Jordan,
Your diary entries will be done monthly now as life settles into some sort of normality. Dad is doing so well, despite yet another infection in his original drain incision.
This last month has been spent with friends and family, trying to connect and allowing Dad to be as normal as possible.

Some big things have happened in the last few weeks, and really tough decisions have had to be made. One of our biggest fears have been losing Dad, and losing our house shortly afterward. It is unfortunate, but it is a reality, and will probably happen. The bond is not registered solely in my name, and if one of the members of the bond passes away, the banks recall the entire debt. There is no way that I could ever afford to pay off that debt, and so the decision has been made to sell our house. This is not as bad as it sounds, and as Dad said to me, I have never been happy here. He is right, the best thing that happened in this house was you, everything else is of no consequence, and to be very honest, I will not be sad to see this house disappearing into the distance. We will find a new place, that I can afford by myself, and that you can grow up in.

Easter came and went. You had such a wonderful time hunting for eggs with Emma, and giving your poor Granny heart failure when you stuffed an entire white candy egg into your mouth. Watching you and your excitement was amazing, but somewhere in the recesses of my mind, I wondered if this would be the last Easter you would have with your Father, and how that would affect you. For some reason I just cannot get my mind around not having him with us. Perhaps it’s because he is so well now, or because it we cannot see the disease, but most of the time it feels like a dream, that he’ll definitely be with us tomorrow and nothing will change.

It was Jayden’s 1st birthday party last weekend, and we travelled up to East London to celebrate. It was Dad’s 1st long car journey since his diagnosis. He handled it so well, and you were an absolute star in your new big boy seat. The way that you interact with Jayden makes me long for a sibling for you, but while my heart says yes, my head says not yet. We have so much more to enjoy from watching you grow.

Dad and I are off on Friday to Mozambique for Dad’s dream holiday. I am so very excited to experience this dream with Dad, but am also incredibly apprehensive about leaving you behind. I have no anxiety about who you’ll stay with, but rather that you would have grown too quickly, or that I’ll miss out on a big milestone. Perhaps fate will deal me a good hand, and the only milestone will be those molars of yours that will finally show their face after months of irritating you.

Taking photos of you this month has been a stark reminder of how time waits for no man. You are no longer a baby, you no longer look like one, nor do you act like you. You are a fiercely independent little boy, just like your Dad.

Remember we love you always,
Dad and Mom

Weeks 3 and 4 After Diagnosis

2010-03-29T11:49:00.000+02:00

Dear Jordan,
These last 2 weeks have flown by, I sometimes wish I could slow time down, and prolong the inevitable. It would be so nice to know we could somehow stay in this happy time, and know that nothing is going to change.

We spent last week Friday with your Aunties Carmen, Nats, Uncles Ian and Neil and Emma and Hannah. It was somehow strange, but comforting to be normal for one night. In the back of my mind I kept thinking of Dad, and if he was tired, and how he was coping. People are afraid to ask, or broach the subject of Dad’s sickness; he however, talks freely and jokes willingly about this stage in his life.

You, Danette and I, went for breakfast with Aunties Marthie and Megan. Hearing them say how big you have got, and seeing how tiny little Quan is growing, really was an eye opener for me. You were, as always, a real charmer.

The human psyche is a strange being. It seems that we have moved from anger, denial and tears, to an acceptance of what is going to happen. That somehow, we realize the inevitable, and we are trying desperately to carry on. I have the business to run, and Dad keeps himself busy with household chores. There are times when for no explicable reason, tears will flow, but they have become fewer and further apart. While we pray for a miracle, and sometimes bargain, somehow we have moved on, to acceptance.

Gran told me of someone dear to us, saying that loneliness creeps up and that it is horrible. The fear of losing Dad has been replaced with the fear of being alone, that no one will ever fill the hole in my heart, he filled when we met. The unknown has always been an issue for me, and as you may well have learned by this stage of your life, I am a planner. The fact that our dreams, and plans are no longer, seems to have created a sense of feeling lost. The fact that the white picket fence, dog and 2 happy little children running around are not in the plan anymore, terrifies me, and that should I decide to give you the sibling you so deserve, I will have to do it alone. That is not to say that Grumpy, Granny and rest of your family will not be there to support us, but to do it without Dad, just seems senseless.

For now, we are thankful that Dad’s infection in his incision is clearing up again, that we can still have our holiday, and that I can hold his hand and talk to him. We are so grateful that you are with us, and that you give us each a smile, a kiss and a hug every morning and that at least a little bit of our dream has become a reality.

We love you forever and always,
Dad and Mom

Two Weeks After Diagnosis

2010-03-15T12:27:00.022+02:00

Dear Jordan,
This past week has been spent making arrangements for our trip to Mozambique and finding out all the necessary precautions we’ll have to take while travelling with someone who is sick. It’s a bit harrowing to think that something could go wrong in a foreign country, but all things considered we are very close by air to Johannesburg. Dad needs to live this dream of his and the fresh air, white beaches and turquoise seas will do just that I’m sure.

On Friday, we were surprised by Granny, and our friends, Aunties Marthie, Karien and Jahni. I knew they had arranged for you to sleep at Granny and Grumpy’s house, but we never expected this.

Granny desperately tried to set up quickly, but you were having none of it, and insisted on moving the candles around and eating the flowers. Dad and I realized just how incredibly blessed we are to have people like these in our lives. You spent that night at your Grandparents, and Dad and I spent the night eating, talking, eating, watching movies and eating some more. It was truly wonderful.

Family day we bought you some bubbles and various wands, in hopes that you would be thoroughly enchanted,

but your fascination lasted about this long,

before something else peaked your interest.

You were quite content to allow Dad and Greg to continue playing with your bubbles,

while Natalie and I watched you go off to do a little adventuring,
bird watching,

Garden cleaning,

and of course avo picking.
Yet again, you couldn’t get them off the tree and between you and the dogs, the poor tree will have produced 50 fruit and yielded none. You pleaded with me to help you, at first you tried the non subtle approach, of stamping your feet and crying,
and then decided to try the begging approach.
Finally something caught your attention at the bottom of the garden
You stood there for ages, wagging your little finger and hand talking to that bush. It took me back to the days when I believed wholeheartedly that there were faeries and gnomes in the forests at Hogsback. We will take you this year to see those forests and to play in the snow. I still believe that that Hogsback is the most magical place on earth.

Part of me hurts so deeply that you will not know your Dad intimately, that he will not be able to raise you physically, but another part of me is glad that you will be spared this part of our families journey and that you will see these times, the happy ones, and know that you are loved.

All our love forever and always,
Dad and Mom

One Week After Diagnosis

2010-03-10T11:59:00.004+02:00

Dear Jordan,

One of my friends, Kandis, suggested Dad write you a diary. Your father was never good with words, and because of this, he jots down notes for me to write in this space.

We have chosen to write this diary for you together, because together we made you, together we love you, and together we are a family. We have also decided to put it up for people to see, because without these people, some who we have met, and some who we haven't, the validation of Dad's life would be incomplete. I will have these entries printed and bound for you when this chapter of our lives is closed, and this will be a testament of how much Dad loves you for eternity.

It's been a week since we heard the news that Dad was sick with cancer. It's been a week of ups and downs, times where we cry together for the things we will lose and other times where we all stand back and laugh at Dad for his stubbornness and determination. At times I think people may think us callous because we still dare to laugh, but that is the essence of who your father is as a person. He always says he doesn't mind people making fun of him, because they're leaving others alone.

Dad is still very sore from his surgery and drains and has caught a little bit of flu with his weakened immune system. Not to be outdone, you have developed rivers of snot and a nasty cough. We maintain you've done it on purpose so that you can get away with doing this

instead of sleeping in your own cot.

We received some very good news this week, that Dad's cancer has not spread to his bones, and that although his hips are still very sore, we can treat them for the correct issue. This is the 1st positive diagnosis we've received on his hip in almost 11 years. We took you to the oncology ward on Tuesday for the follow up. Yet again you proved what an amazing little boy you are. There wasn't a sick person waiting there that you didn't walk up to, touch, fake laugh or smile at. In a room filled with such sadness, you made every one of them smile. Dad was so very proud of you and I had to fight with him not to pick you up and strain his wounds.

We have been doing enquiries into going on Dad's dream holiday. Unfortunately you'll be too small to come with, but there are still so many places you and I will see together.

This week we are positive that Dad is getting better, he is already becoming belligerent again and that is a very good sign.

Remember we love you forever and always our special son,

Dad and Mom

2010-03-02T16:14:00.006+02:00

We sat there, in that cold room government hospital room, joking about the smell of car air freshener, skirting the subject, not wanting to say what was on our minds. The grip of his hand on mine told me he expected what I did.

She came in, looked at his file, checked his X rays, biopsy results and did one further examination. He told her: "don't beat around the bush, tell us so that we know". She looked at him and said: "Cancer can only be cured 3 ways. Surgery. Not an option for you. Chemotherapy. You're not type specific enough. Radiation. Impossible because of where your cancer is. We can manage your symptoms and treat your pain, but that is all. I'm sorry". I felt the grip of his hand tighten, it mimicked the feeling in my throat, constricting, a lack of air. "How long"? he asked.

"Not long".

I don't know what I expected. A rush of tears? Words expressing how unfair this was? Instead, I was met with silence, and his gaze, that implored me to say something. Anything. I couldn't. I had no words. My mind was reeling, but my mouth couldn't say what my heart was feeling.

And then she said these words, words that will stay with me forever. "None of us have tomorrow. This is it. Today is all we have, and today you are alive. Today you can hold your wife's hand, and tell your children you love them. You're going to have good days, and you're going to have bad ones. Make a list, and on the good days, do those things you want to do. Live your life".

All I could muster was a thank you.

Right now, all I can muster is a thank you to my family and to my friends, those I have met and those I haven't. I do not have the words to tell you how loved we feel, how your emails, text messages and phone calls have validated my husbands life and have made these dark days a little brighter.

In all this madness, we all need to really hear what that Doctor said.

Today is all with have. Live your life.

Surgery, Infections and throat closing?

2010-02-23T08:12:00.003+02:00

D day today. My husband goes in for his biopsies, scopes and maybe another drain. We took the dressing off yesterday, he was complaining of immense pain. Not a pretty sight, and it's safe to say there is a pretty nasty infection around his original drain incision.

In other news, did you know that stress can manifest itself by making you feel like you're being strangled? I didn't, now I do, and I refuse to take the sleeping tablets our GP prescribed because I have a house, and a business to run, and a baby to wake up for, and a life to live.

Thank you all for your wonderful messages.

Today's step, making it past surgery.

The Long and the short of it...

2010-02-19T10:43:00.003+02:00

My blog is going to change, it's going to morph, and quite possibly it is not going to be the happy space it once was, all the time.

This last week I've had to imagine my life without my other half, about the uncertainty of life and how quickly it can be cut short.

I've learned that a single mother is an amazing creature, that one copes when they have to, and that you can in deed cry every night. That empty bed syndrome is very real, that the state of our Government Hospitals is so shocking that it's difficult to comprehend. That a child misses his father, even when he cannot speak and that your heart can break by looking at an X Ray. I've seen that I can be more angry than I ever imagined and that you can only bargain with God for so long before you no longer believe.

This week I've had to imagine my life without my husband, and the uncertainty of how long his life will be...

What Happened?

2010-02-11T08:46:00.002+02:00

I've not wanted to write lately because I feel utterly lost and disillusioned.

It seems the whole world has been turned on its head. Where good people suffer and bad people prosper.

At what point did bad people earn more, obtain jobs, win money and live a generally happy life? While good, honest, hardworking people are made to sit and suffer, financially and emotionally. Where children fast their favourite foods in a bid to get God to answer their Mom and Dad's prayers for financial salvation, not through wealth, but through the sale of their home. Where women who have endured the unthinkable loss of their babies, have to watch other women who don't want children, fall pregnant everyday. When an educated, loving women has to endure the abuse of wealthy children everyday to earn a salary, far below what she is worth, and to somehow scrape the last cent to live.

I don't know. Something is seriously amiss in the world today. I feel that the obtainable is no longer, because I refuse to be anything less good than what I am.

Happy birthday my son

2010-01-18T15:46:00.002+02:00

You turned 1 on Friday, and I can scarcely believe where time has flown.

You've gone from a tiny helpless creature to a fiercely independent, clever little boy.

We love you with all our hearts little man.

Daddy and Mommy

XXX

Totally uninspired

2010-01-12T08:40:00.003+02:00

That's me.

I have so much to write about, but just can't seem to pen a comprehensible sentence.

I will really try to come up with something legible soon.

Merry Christmas and some photos...

2009-12-17T10:23:00.009+02:00

Hi readers,

This will be my final post for 2009.

I would like to wish you all a very blessed festive season, and leave you with a few 11 month photos.

Christmas Menu

2009-12-11T15:42:00.002+02:00

It's that time of the year again, where I rack my brain for a Christmas menu.

This is what I've settled on

Cocktails
Christmas Kisses, with a twist, they cannot be the traditional red and gold, I'll have to swap out the Cranberry Juice for some purple grape juice to fit in with the theme this year.

Starters
Cajun prawns on a bed of lettuce, and avo

Mains
Turkey stuffed with cranberry stuffing
Traditional roast lamb
Assorted veggies and roast potatoes
Rice

Desert
I'm stuck here. I was thinking a traditional Christmas cake but without the white icing. I wanted to rather soak it in van der Hum and smother it in a Bar One Chocolate Icing, decorated with glitter and icing sugar...

I'll post all the recipes on the Good Food blog, but in the meantime what do you think of the desert.

J's Time For a Rant

2009-12-09T09:23:00.002+02:00

So Jahni did a post on stupid things people ask, pop over to her blog to see her top three, http://lifestartshere-jahni.blogspot.com

Here are mine;

1) See what happens when you're 'naughty', babies are born: Well no, actually we weren't 'naughty', our son was planned, and took months of horrid tablets, dildo cams, being a human pin cushion, catheters being stuck into my uterus and loads of tears. But while we're on the topic, why don't you tell me what position you used to conceive, where it happened, if you enjoyed it...

2) Oh so he was early, and tiny, why do you think that is?: I planned it! Just for kicks I thought I'd wake up 4 weeks before my due date, at 1:30am and will my water to break. He was so small because I ate a special diet of dog food and lettuce leaves throughout my whole pregnancy just so that I could have a small baby. I mean really people, anybody with some common sense and even poor eyesight can see I am a petite woman. 2 + 2 really does = 4 here, there is no way my body could've possible carried a baby heavier than 3kgs, even my Dr said so!

3) So when can we expect number 2? When I'm right and ready! When are you going to develop some tact?

And a bonus...

4) Natural birth? Wasn't it sore? No, it was like prancing through a field of daisies on a warm summers afternoon. I especially like the part where his head came out.

10 months old

2009-11-23T14:03:00.010+02:00

Hello all of Mommy's lovely internet friends.

Wow, what a difference a month makes, Mommy says that all of a sudden I became a little boy.

1st of all the yucky stuff. I went for injections and the nice nurse measured and weighed me. She said I was very tall, 77cm's and Mommy said that she was sure I was going to weigh lots, 11.3kgs. The nurse said to Mommy I'm nowhere near fat, thank goodness, she said that 77cms and 11.3kgs matches perfectly. Mommy kept getting all teary about something called the 25th percentile and now being over the 97th percentile. Whatever Mom, I'm the one that had a needle stuck in my leg!

Now for the cool stuff. I can walk. I don't give Mom a chance take photo's though, I'm was too quick, and by the time the camera takes a photo all you see are bits of me.

I don't like to sit in my pram anymore. I can stand...

I can even touch my toes. Mommy and Daddy have heart failure when I do this, hahahahahahahaha. They say I'm going to crack my skull open.

I love to clap handies, whenever I do something clever. I shout YAY, and clap my hands as loud as I can. Daddy said there is something very special about my subtlety skills. Mommy said she'll brain Daddy if he teaches me sarcasm at this young age.

I really like to sit in the office when Mommy works. They don't seem to understand that I'm the boss though.

Something new happened to my face, and it's causing me serious grief. Mommy calls it mischief. I don't know what it is, but somehow they always know that I'm going to something naughty.

I love the Christmas tree, but I hate the stoopid hat they bought me. I mean really! Only Santa wears a hat like that!!!!

Mommy said I should say cheese when I smile for the camera, I took it literally and put some cheese in my mouth. I really don't understand why it was soooooo funny.

That's all my news for now, I will keep you all updated about my 1st Christmas, I am very excited.

Lots of love,

Jordan

XOXOXOXO

Lazy... or Uninspired?

2009-11-16T10:43:00.002+02:00

I don't know what it is, I'm in a funk, I haven't been updating either of my blogs, I haven't been whipping up culinary masterpieces, think spaghetti bolognaise and boerewors and chips here, and there are less than 40 days to Christmas, and I'm just not feeling it.

Everything else is just a minor thing, I guess we all go 'off' our passions once in a while, but not feeling Christmas? That's ludicrous!

I've put a Christmas countdown timer on my blog, and I think I'll put up my Christmas tree tonight. Perhaps it'll inspire some get up and go...

The nursery before and after

2009-11-07T11:12:00.019+02:00

Jayden, Jordan and the Get Together

2009-11-05T15:40:00.011+02:00

This is late, but I suppose better late than never...

Where to start, we drove up to good old JHB for the OPM get together. It never ceases to amaze me, how you drive out of the Eastern Cape, aka, crappy roads and into another world as you cross the border. Jordan travelled well all things considered. It was hot, he hates his car seat and I think he can feel my apprehension when driving.

I couldn't believe how much my other son has grown. He is just to beautiful for words. I think Marthie and I have the best of both worlds with our boys, I have the dark haired dark eyed second son in Jayden and she has the blonde haired blue eyed second son in Jordan. Putting them together and watching them play gave us both a snippet into the future and I think we desperately need to find a no grow potion Marts, because I think there could be a couple of grey hairs on the way with these two.

I'm convinced after the two boys spending the majority of the weekend together, that babies speak an unknown language. Jordan has not been interested in any form of horizontal transportation. Crawling, leopard crawling and the like are, or were, just not for him. After spending the night and day with his 'brother' he decided that he kinda liked this head crawl worm wiggle that Jayden did, and began doing the same thing and at one hell of a speed might I add.
The get together was awesome, it was wonderful to finally put so many faces to the people I talk to everyday. My only regret is that I didn't get time to talk to so many of you, nor did I have the quality time I wanted with some of my closer friends. I found the whole lot a little overwhelming, but next time I will definitely be able to divide my time more evenly I think....

Thanks to Marts and Craig for being my JHB taxi. Mands, Irene, Paula and significant others who spent time with us on Friday night a beeg thank you. To Jahni and Karien, I'm sorry I didn't get to spend more time with you ladies and your delightful baby girls, next time I'll make 100% sure that we have some 1 o 1 time.

Oh, and my future daughter in law is delightful, scrumptious and too beautiful for words, I hope our kids don't mind arranged marriages....

Then and Now

2009-10-27T12:10:00.005+02:00

Marthie did a post on her scrumptious young man growing up.

I really cannot comment too much because the fact that this tiny human being has filled such a void in my life, gets me all teary eyed.

So what I'll say is that I love you so very much my little boy!

Then

And now

Jordan's nursery

2009-10-12T09:13:00.007+02:00

It dawned on me that I never posted pictures, or the drama of obtaining, Jordan's nursery.

Our dump, aka house, falls apart when you try to repair it. What started out as a paint and floor overhall, turned into a pull the cornices off, patch up the walls because certain bits fell off, yes you read right, FELL OFF!!!!!!, and way too many other bits and bobs to mention.

Come to think of it, it's not suprising that Jordan made his appearance early, when you consider that I was 7 months pregnant and painting the nursery, while my husband felt rushed and somewhat nervous that I was going to "park", his words not mine, his son on the incomplete nursery floor.

Anyway, here are the stripping photo's.

Morphing...

2009-10-07T12:27:00.005+02:00

Somehow this blog has morphed into something I never intended it to be.

I never intended to have my every thought consumed by one tiny person, nor did I ever think that ones chest could feel as though it was going to burst, literally, with pride.

The last thing on my mind, was that I would take photo's and actually share them with complete strangers, who have become my internet sisters.

And finally, I always looked at those Mom's who eagerly shoved photo's of "the most beautiful child on earth", in my face with a little bit of criticism and cynicism

But anyway, before I digress too much.

Look at the most beautiful child on earth!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

7 Things

2009-10-05T13:23:00.003+02:00

Eve, www.myttclife.blogspot.com gave me this Kreativ Blogger Award

Here are the rules:1-Thank the person who nominated you for this award. THANK YOU EVIE :)

2-Copy the logo and place it on your blog.

3-Link to the person who nominated you for this award.

4-Name 7 things about yourself that people may not know.

5-Nominate 7 Kreativ Bloggers.

6-Post links to the 7 blogs you nominate.

7-Leave a comment on each of the blogs letting them know they've been nominated.

Now, I am not going to do rule no. 7. I am going to see who will find this post on their own :)I have done something similar before, so apologies if you get to re-read some of these things:

I have a stationery fetish, it's bad and borders on addiction.
I married the love of my life, who is also quite a lot younger than me.
I am a bit of a Dr Doolittle, animals find me, and somehow want to stay with me. It's not uncommon to hear "oh no, Doolittle moment", when strays arrive at my front door.
I suffer from word vomit. No thinky, just talky!!!!
I'm a natural blonde.
I like both glitters and pearls.
I hate cellphones, if you have my number, count yourself SUPER lucky.

Here are my nominees;

Natalie - Almost There
Marthie
Bel
Kim
Karien
Meganm1
Kandis

My beautiful sister...

2009-09-22T17:29:00.002+02:00

Is married.

Congratulations

Neil, you could not have asked for a better woman. May your lives be filled with the richest blessing.

8 Months

2009-09-17T10:43:00.004+02:00

Time goes to quickly... nuff said!

Bucket List

2009-09-07T19:55:00.000+02:00

A while back, Marthie added a bucket list to her blog. I’ve been contemplating my list for quite some time, and it proved to be a hell of a task, which in itself, tells me what a charmed life I live.

Whoever feels like publishing their list, please do so, it’s a wonderful exercise in appreciation, hopes and dreams.

1. To eat crayfish in an exotic tropical landscape at sunset
2. Have a traditional Italian meal in Tuscany
3. Sip champagne at the F1 Grand Prix in Monaco
4. Spend a night on a luxury yacht
5. See St Peters Basilica
6. To make angels in a field of pure white snow with my children
7. Drive in a vintage car, just once
8. Listen to the New York Philharmonic in Central Park
9. To see my children grow into mature young adults
10. Experience my grandchildren to the fullest.

10 Things I Love About You...

2009-08-27T10:36:00.002+02:00

Tagged my Hope 852

Your appreciation of food sounds. Whether it's the nyum nyum nyum sounds with your solids, or your mmmmmmm sounds when you're drinking your bottle.
The way you smile at me every morning.
How you spontaneously grab my face and plant a giant wet kiss on me.
Your tiny baby hugs.
The way you love all things animal, from bugs to dogs, when you squeal with delight, I know an animal is nearby.
How you sing yourself to sleep.
Your hysterical giggling when you go for your man goods.
How everyday is completely new to you.
How you stare into my eyes with total adoration just before you fall asleep at night.
Your frustration when you can't do things yourself.

Tag all the Mommies.

And all the Mommies in waiting, a special prayer for you.

Toes...

2009-08-25T12:16:00.001+02:00

They're fascinating

Destiny...

2009-08-19T10:48:00.002+02:00

Our lives are preordained, our paths already chosen... I don't, or didn't believe in it.

Scenario 1...

I am young, desperate for a waiteressing job. I phoned various restaurants and arranged a drop off of my CV. There was one little restaurant / coffee shop I had in mind, as an ideal. I still cannot remember why I was so hell bent on working there, perhaps it was the proximity to our house, perhaps the working hours... I contacted them and requested to speak to the owner or manager. After I had told my story and requested that I drop off my CV, he declined. I took a trip to the restaurant anyway and spoke to the owner. Today, I don't remember his face, all that I remember was the unpleasant exchange, throwing my CV on his reception counter, and fuming all the way to the bus stop. I kept telling myself over and over again that he was an arse, it had nothing to do with me.

Scenario 2...
About a year after the above exchange, a friend at work, introduced me to his father. A pleasant man, whom I was instantly attracted to. Our age difference, my history, and his recent divorce, seemed to constantly put obstacles in our path. After denying our attraction for months, he kissed me... I kissed him back it was electric. But still, life seemed determined to pull us apart. From family, to financial problems, we stuck it out, we loved each other, fiercely, passionately. There were times we felt like packing it in, but somehow, something, always pulled us closer, when those dark times were thrust on us.

Scenario 3...
10 years on, last week.

My husband and I were sitting in bed, chatting about decisions people make, and how it changes our lives. How one decision changes the people we meet, our personalities, our very existence.

Husband: I wonder why I sold my restaurant?
Me: You had a restaurant?
Hubby: Yes, when I got divorced and moved down here. I needed to do something I'd never done before. I bought a restaurant, had it for a few months and then felt I needed to sell it.
Me: Oh, which restaurant was it?
Hubby: That little bistro at shopping centre xyz, the one under the escalator, it was called B.
Me: You're the arse!!!!!!
Hubby: What?
Me: I applied for a job with you. You told me to get poked and I threw my CV at you!
Hubby: You were the hot blonde? I wanted you even then.
Me: Pervert.
Hubby: You're still hot and I still want you.
Me: You're still an arse.

We lay there in the dark, and I wondered how it was that we met back then. Why I was so determined to work at that particular restaurant. How my husband was given to me not once, but twice...

Soulful Child

2009-08-14T16:27:00.008+02:00

7 months.

I can bearly comprehend where time has gone,

and I never knew how much one human being could love another, until you were born.

The nurses couldn't stop commenting on how old fashioned you were.

One of them called you a 'pasgebore baba'.

As you get older, I can see what they meant,

there is so much soul in your eyes.

Such wisdom...

Happy 7 months my boy,

I love you with every fibre of my being.

To 2 of my ladies in life

2009-08-12T07:12:00.003+02:00

My gorgeous Emma.

You bring sunshine to our day in each and every way.
You amaze us while you learn in each and every turn.
You are our treasured prize, show laughter with your eyes.
We love you oh so much because our heart you touch.

Happy Birthday for the 11th Angel.
By Michael Charles Messineo

And my fabulous sister Carmen.
I know you are not well, and it's possibly the worst way to spend your birthday.
But, we love you and hope you had a fantastic day on the 9th.

Love you forever baby sis.

Pre conceived ideas

2009-08-04T09:19:00.002+02:00

Before I fell pregnant, and even whilst pregnant, I had pre conceived ideas on things I would never do once I was a mother. Clearly I had no clue, and I think I have learned my lesson, at least for now. Here are my top 10, (there are many more):

I will NEVER breastfeed: Out came a tiny, no where near the expected 4kg baby, who was slightly prem, and dropping weight far too quickly. When we were discharged 2 and a half days later and he was a meagre 50 grams over the required discharge weight of 2kgs I decided that my body was the only thing that would nourish him. I tried, I failed dismally and to my extreme suprise, I was bitterly disappointment when the 1st bottle of formula nourished him more than I did. Having said that, number 2 will definitely not have boob. I simply cannot put another little life through the trauma and allergies Jordan experienced in those 1st few days of life, and I definitely don't think my ego can take yet another bruising.
My baby will sleep in his own room from day 1: 6 months later, he moved into his room and Mommy is stilling battling to adjust, especially when I don't hear his noisiness throughout the night.
I will NEVER co sleep: Pure exhaustion put and end to that one very quickly. I still admit to falling asleep whilst feeding him, only to be woken 2 or 3 hours later by my husband telling me to move him back to his bed.
I will not be one of those paranoid Mommies who sterilizes everything and changes linen everyday: Um.... excuse me, I have some bottles to steam and some laundry to clean.
I will not abandon my friends in pursuit of Mommyhood: Unfortunately yes, I have. My weekends are my precious moments with my son, and I value every second of those two days.
I will not burst with pride at ever snot bubble blown, grin received or coo that sounds like Mamma: Read my previous posts on Jordan. Nuff said.
I will not stick grown up food in my baby's mouth: Clearly I had no perception of how powerful a babies ability is to manipulate a grown ups hand.
I need 1 night a month away from baby, to catch up on some much needed r & r: Alas poor Granny is still waiting for her sleep over. I can hadle borkn seepl. Promise.
I can still be a sexy presentable Mother, Hollywood does it, why can't I: What I didn't bank on was a reflux baby. I cannot go 30 minutes without projectile vomit splattering me somewhere. I am thinking of bottling my scent and calling it Eau de Cotch by Jordan. Nice ring to it, no?
I will never get wee'ed on. Everyone can see when a boy baby needs to wee: Not so I tell you. As in adult life, that teeny tiny winky has a mind of it's own. Sometimes it just sneaks up on you and catches you in the eye.

No I've told you mine. Please tell me yours in a separate blog post. I'd love to hear from the Mommies in waiting and the Mommies to be as well. May be interesting to go back on your lists and see which of yours have been changed by your bundle of joy.

Amalgamated thoughts

2009-07-28T20:06:00.002+02:00

My mind is all over the place, so please excuse the post.

There are 2 thoughts on my mind right now and they sort of relate to each other.

I am not a chick girl. Never have been, I think that my uncanny ability to say the wrong things at the wrong time tends to make other women dislike me.

Recently I have been surrounded by my Internet friends, a group of really strong, opinionated women, who don't seem to take much offence to anything. So when I met Marthie on Saturday, I was, for the 1st time in my life, quite nervous. What an amazing woman, and what a great time we had. Jayden is gorgeous, and Marthie has absolutely no airs and graces. She is what she is, take it or leave it, and that kind of genuineness is so rare today. I must say that from the moment we started chatting, I knew that meeting our other Internet friends soon, would be easy. Thanks M, I had a fantastic time, despite your run in with horrible people, next time we'll have to make sure we keep ourselves locked up in my house, with large quantities of wine.

The other thought on my mind has been my recent email to Mandy. In my defence, I warned you Mands ;) When I received no response I began to worry that I had mortally offended her. I mentally slapped my own hand everytime I read and re read the mail, wondering why I find it necessary to continually poke my nose in and pass 'judgement', for lack of a better word, when it's so much easier to keep the peace. Why would I show this side of myself to a budding friendship. Mands, thank you so much for your reply, it gave me some peace of mind that I had not completely ruined our online sisterhood, and I do think you're on the right path. I continue to be incredibly proud of you, and can't wait for that long awaited positive result. Nuff said!

Bottom line ladies, I'm not the friend you call for compliments. If that zit looks like a giant flashing light on your face, I will, in all likeliness, tell you that, if I think your ass looks fat in those jeans I'll tell you, and if you need to know whether yellow really makes you look pale, I'll tell you, you look like the Corpse Bride. Bottom line, if I looked like a blimp, I pray that some one will tell me before I go out in public, so if you need some one to go shopping with you and honestly tell you what you look like. I'm your gal. Tactfulness, you'll have to seek elsewhere!

3 About Me

2009-07-28T19:54:00.002+02:00

Tagged by Marthie....

Here it goes;

Three names I go by:
Nix
Lulu
Babes

Three jobs you may not know I have had in my life:
Bar lady
Bank teller
Insurance administration

Three places I have lived:
Grahamstown (EEEEEEKKKKK)
Various houses in Port Elizabeth
Our dump, I mean house now

Three shows that I watch currently:
Private Practice
CSI: All 3 of them
Life

I have been:
Cape Town
Jozi
Natal

Three people who e-mail me regularly
Head Office (Unfortunately)
Marthie
Alta

Three of my favorite foods
Prawns
Leg of Lamb
Nice big fat rump

Three bloggers I think will respond
Dunno I'm a bit slow on the uptake here

Three things I'm looking forward to!
Jordan's first word
OPM family day on 31/10
Christmas. I LOVE Christmas!!!

I tag everyone who hasn't already posted this meme.

Farewell to our Grand Lady

2009-07-26T15:22:00.005+02:00

Mom B, the angels came to take you last night. You left us without any warning, but we know you were at peace. And although you will be missed here on earth, we know you are happy, in the arms of Louis up in heaven.

I promise to look after your son as I always have.

Rest in peace. We love you.

If I Were a Rich Girl, na na na na na....

2009-07-21T11:25:00.008+02:00

I have a secret fantasy. I'm in love with everything Dolce and Gabbana.

The complete ensemble would cost me a mere 1,379.... Pounds that is. Or an astronomical R17,968.37 at the current exchange rate

What is your secret fantasy?

All pictures accredited to the official D&G site www.dolcegabbana.com

Taking the Last of Me Back

2009-07-20T09:49:00.002+02:00

There are two things I have put on hold since Jordan was conceived. The one is due to pure laziness and the other is a rather embarrassing condition.

From tomorrow, I will be starting gym again. Although I am at my regular weight and maintaining it with no effort, I have found that my ass is not quite where it should be, and to be entirely honest, I will do ab crunches until the cows come home, because it's easy for me. My bum on the other hand has always been a problem area and I HATE doing those exercises. So off to gym and onto the bike and orbital trainer to get the 'ol derier back into shape.

The other is my sweating problem. I sweat under my arms BAD. That's why you'll never see me wear anything but white or a dark colour top in any photos whilst pregnant or now. Granted, I have found some fabrics that don't show sweat marks and I treasure those tops. I have a medicated deodorant that requires you to put it on at night and wash it off in the morning. The problem... it could strip paint off of walls, and the prospect of accidentally transferring it from under my arms onto Jordan's head when I feed him at night terrifies me. Having said that, I will put a long sleeve tracksuit top on every time I feed him at night so as not to transfer anything onto him. That starts tonight.

I need to start feeling like a woman again, and not just like a mommy, and these are the last two things that will get me back to womanhood.

Is there anything you've given up or still have to reclaim?

Please don't stop the Music

2009-07-17T09:01:00.002+02:00

Tagged on Jahni's blog http://lifestartshere-jahni.blogspot.com/

Here it goes in no particular order.

1. Welcome to the Black Parade - My Chemical Romance
2. Clint Eastwood - Gorillaz
3. Come Together - The Beatles
4. Poison - Alice Cooper
5. I'm not ok (I'm ok) - My Chemical Romance
6. Immigrant Song - Led Zeppelin
7. Thunderstruck - ACDC
8. I'm Not Over - Carolina Liar
9. Bleed it Out - Linkin Park
10. Black Betty - Ram Jam

3 Bonus tracks (don't cringe)

1. Flower - Moby (You know the openning track to Gone in 60 Seconds)
2. Chasing Cars - Snow Patrol (I can never hear this mans voice enough times, it's haunting and beautiful, beyond description
3. Reach Out - Hilary Duff (Before you lynch me, give it a listen, a really nice grungy attitude version of DP's original, this little girl never ceases to impress me).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JStfziF4duQ

Jordan 6 months

2009-07-16T11:26:00.006+02:00

My boy is 6 months old. I can hardly believe where time has flown to. I must admit, my heart is a little sore that my tiny 2,5 kilo baby is turning into a little boy, but I suppose that's the way life goes.

This playgym thing is sooooooooooooooooooo tiring.

Mommy's little drool monster

Please excuse the hair, lack of makeup, blurry eyes etc, this was my husbands idea of fun about 10 minutes after I had woken up

I can sit forward in my pram and DON'T try to strap me in. I HATE it!!!

Assvice please

2009-07-10T09:05:00.002+02:00

Hi, I'm Nikki, and I'm a chronic spender.

I hardly ever spend my money on me, mostly it's on other people. It is not uncommon for me to come home with bags and bags of goodies for other people. If I see something that I know a friend would love, I buy it. If my husband happens to say "that's nice", I buy it, if I know someone has a thing for cows, let's say, and I happen upon a cute coo beasty trinket, I buy it! You see the trend here?

Nothing gives me more joy than giving people stuff! I LOVE it, it's a drug!!!!!!

The problem is that hubby says I'm neglecting myself. I can't get him to understand that it's nice to have a new camera for me, but I'm overjoyed at buying him his spray gun/compressor thinga that he's wanted forever.

Am I neglecting myself? And if I am, how do I find the balance?

On the topic of anal retentiveness

2009-07-08T10:14:00.003+02:00

I don't know how many of you are/were Friends fans, but there was an episode where Monica's cupboard was revealed. If you never saw that episode, I'll fill you in.

Monica being the absolute perfectionist that she was, had a cupboard that no one was allowed access to. By the end of the show, Chandler had opened the cupboard and the mess of goods that had been haphazardly thrown into it, came tumbling out to greet him.

My sister affectionately calls my shoe habit my Monica drawer. I have a terrible habit of leaving my shoes under my office desk and then walking through in the morning with another pair of shoes, then leaving those under my desk and so on and so forth until I eventually need one of the pairs under my desk, in which case I walk barefoot to my desk and just slip my feet into the required pair.

So my anally retentive sistas, do you have a Monica drawer, and what is it?

Organised or overly annoying?

2009-07-07T12:13:00.002+02:00

I need order in my life, but lately I am beginning to wonder whether I resemble some strange Bree van der Kamp clone, organising and reorganising my life? I'm going to let you in on a few of my little quirks when it comes to Jordan, you decide.

I pack his baby back in sequence.

Bottles on either side, Prodol and various other required 'meds' in the upright pouches.
A change of clothes are put at the bottom of the bag, then his nappies, wetwipes and I never travel without a disposable changing mat to put on those icky supermarket baby chairs.
In the front pouch are his 'spoegdoekies' and his face wetwipes as well as his teething dummy which is kept in a washable pouch. In the back pouch, his food in a Tupperware container and a spoon in a Ziplock bag. If we're going out and he needs to bath, I bring a separate bag for his wet towel, face cloth and dirty clothes.

I cook all his meals on a Sunday morning while I'm making breakfast for the family. Each meal is stored in a container which gets frozen. Green for apples, yellow for bananas, blue for porridge and pink for night time veggies.

His cupboards are packed with bibs, vests, hats and scarfs and PJ's in one drawer. Day clothes in the other drawer. Receiving blankets in the next drawer down and clothes that are too big for him in the bottom drawer. In the opening cupboard are his towels and face cloths, spoegdoekies and fleece blankets and comforters. Each item is rotated and clean items are put at the bottom of the pile.

I change his sheet everyday, for fear of him lying in crusty cotch.

Every night before bed, I refill his nappy basket and make sure that there are enough wetwipes in the dispenser for the next day. His bottles are washed and filled with the correct amount of water, his formula is dispensed into containers, and his food taken out of the freezer and into the fridge to defrost.

Now I realise that this may not sound too bad, or maybe it does, but put this together with my inability to share stationery for fear that it will never write the same again, (I swear it doesn't), having to fold my own clothes because nobody folds them like me, my colour co-ordinated spice rack and compartmentalised kitchen cupboards, as well as the need for everything to be in it's assigned place or get thrown away, I'm beginning to feel like one of those really annoying people who cannot live outside the bubble.

Let me say that I never push my organisation on anyone else, except once when I repacked my sisters baby bag because I couldn't find anything, and I don't feel the need to be perfect, I just function better this way.

So, am I Bree yet?

We have a tooth

2009-07-02T11:16:00.003+02:00

I'm so proud of my boy. No runny tummy, no earache. We have a toothy... Yay!!!!!!!!!!!

Or maybe not

2009-06-30T10:33:00.000+02:00

Apparently it's a hoax, he's not dead, Rick Astley that is. Perhaps he wasn't one of ET's peeps?

And on a completely different note...

2009-06-30T10:23:00.002+02:00

Why are all the celebs snuffing it?

MJ, Farrah and now Rick Astley. On the local front, Fred Hayward, from Mean Mr. Mustard and our now infamous ex number 9 bokkie, J vd W, not to be outdone by, collapses amidst serious speculations and secretiveness about the actual severity of his condition.

I'm telling you, the planets are out of whack. Or ET has decided to call his peeps home.

I dreamt last night

2009-06-28T09:20:00.002+02:00

I have never been one to believe in prophecy, I believe that although God guides us, we create our own destiny, but last night I had a dream.

I penned a letter to one of my IF sisters. It was one of those dreams, where some details are incredibly clear, and other were not. I couldn't see who the letter was addressed to, but was sure that it was me that was writing it. I woke before the letter was signed, with tears in my eyes, yet I was not sad, but full of joy. I felt compelled to record my dream, got up and walked to the kitchen, on my grocery list, I wrote;

Dear...,

Today the angels in heaven sing, because your heart is filled with joy...

I signed the letter off, "always in admiration", and although I had a strong urge to date it September, I dated it 2010. I began reading the letter and I knew who it was for, I filled in her name.

Dear Mandy-Leigh,
Sometime very soon, I will be writing you a letter for the birth of your son. He will be strong and healthy, and when you look at him, you will know that you were never forsaken. You will look into his eyes and know how much God has always loved you, and you will have peace.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

2009-06-26T09:47:00.002+02:00

To my gorgeous step son, who has given me joy, laughter and a fair share of grey hairs. I cannot believe that 10 years has gone by so fast, and the little boy who was to become my son, has grown into a man.

Happy 18th birthday my boy. May the world grant you all your desires.

Thank You

2009-06-24T15:50:00.004+02:00

I've been a bit of an errant blogger lately, things have been incredibly busy and difficult with our business of late, and big changes are being made in the very near future, hopefully.

I want to extend a huge thank you to my sister for the sms you sent me, you've been there for me through thick and thin, and your love and support mean the world to me. To my Mom, who understands me better than I understand myself, thank you, for loving me unconditionally, no matter what I put you through. And, to my Dad, whom I know will have some words of wisdom and a bear hug of comfort, thank you, thank you, thank you....

To my internet sista's; From a humble little letter I wrote, to vent my feelings and be rid of my demons, I gained so much hope in the human race. So many would have found it difficult to comment. Your support and messages of love touched me so deeply, and I am so incredibly appreciative to have come across such an amazing fraternity of kind, compassionate, amazingly strong women. You are each truly wonderful in your own rights, and each one of you set aside your own hurts to support me through mine, for this I will never forget you. Thank you to each and every one of you, your words mean more to me than you'll ever know.

I am 5 months old

2009-06-17T15:39:00.005+02:00

I've hijacked Mommy's blog today. I thought you would all like to know how big I am, and the interesting things I have learned in the last few weeks.

Mommy says I have found my voice. I don't think I have, I just don't only use it for crying anymore. I love to have conversations with people, especially at 4:00am. Usually Mommy doesn't talk back, but last night she said that it's high time I move into my own room now. Strange story to tell at that time in the morning don't you think?

I can roll over onto my tummy, but I much prefer it if Mommy does it for me. I can even do a worm crawl. Mommy keeps telling me I need to go forwards, but backwards it far more interesting.

Mommy added bananas to my diet this month. I love them, but Mommy keeps wanting to add other things like mash and butternut. Gross! I'll just stick to my apples and bananas thanks Mom.

Daddy told Mommy she needs to cool it with all the toys she's been buying me. I don't know why, I love my new playgym and foam balls, they're so much fun. Mommy also bought me a book, but I'm not too sure what to do with it, it doesn't taste very nice and it doesn't make a noise.

Daddy is convinced that I am going to be a playa, I love ladies and I flash them my best smile every time I see a new one. I just love talking to the till ladies when Mommy goes shopping.

Did you know that I have toes? They're so new and interesting! Daddy told me he wishes he could go back to the days when he could put his toes in his mouth, but Mommy doesn't find it very funny when I do it and she's trying to dress me after bath. I also found out that I have places on my tummy that make me laugh. When I'm bored, I wiggle my fingers on my tummy and laugh really loud. Everybody says it's too cute, I just think it's funny.

Here are some photos for you lovely ladies.

You can see I got a little bit thin when I was sick.

Until next month.

Lots of love,

Jordan

A Letter to my Abuser

2009-06-12T07:50:00.002+02:00

Dear Abuser,

A number of years ago you chose me as number 23. I was barley 13 when you decided to take my innocence. You abused my small body indiscriminately and broke my mind. I have to wonder whether at that time you knew that my spirit would be difficult to break, if you were bored, if you wanted a challenge. You played mind games with me, you threatened that which was most precious to me, to keep my silence. You plunged me into womenhood, stole my childhood and made me fear the opposite sex.

I still don't know how you reacted when I stood up. If you were suprised that I had decided to fight you. I don't know how you could've been? You always knew I was a fighter.

Could you have anticipated that when I stood up that number 21 and number 16 would follow. Our justice system failed the victims again and you walked away with a 3 year suspended sentence, a wife and a beautiful daughter, but your reputation and pride were not in tact.

I moved on as best I could, I thought I was rid of you. Imagine my suprise then when I discovered yesterday that you had been poking around on my Facebook profile. My instant reaction was fear. I wanted to deleted my profile. I wondered if you had seen the pictures of my beautiful son, if you had found your way to my blog. I wanted to delete my blog and all other internet profiles. To protect myself from you.

As I lay in bed last night thinking about what you have done, and how you have once again invaded my privacy, I began to remember why I stood up, why I fought you and why I obtained victory.

It is because of this, that I hope you have found this blog. I hope you are reading this, and you can see how happy I am.

I have a message for you. Something I have wanted to say for a long time.

I am NOT your victim anymore. I am HAPPY, despite your actions. You NEVER did, nor will you EVER break my spirit. I AM a stronger person because of you. I will NEVER forget you or what you did because it is the fibre of who I am today. You set out to destroy me, but I came out a STRONGER and a BETTER person. I am NOT ashamed of being a survivor. I am NOT scared of you. I stood against you as a little girl and I am STILL standing!

I am not going anywhere, you coward. I AM RIGHT HERE, and I WILL STAY HERE!

10 of my Strangest Characteristics

2009-06-11T16:31:00.002+02:00

I am a bit of a potty mouth
I have NEVER, and I do mean NEVER, gone to bed without brushing my teeth
I am in my very late 20's and I've never had a tooth filled
My knees dislocate all by their lonesome and without warning, even after having surgery
I will not use a pen that some one else has used
I very rarely think before speaking
I most often get into trouble for not thinking before speaking
I have a very active imagination and write poetry
I am a musician not by trade, but have being playing music since I can remember
I cannot drive without sunglasses, my eyes are too light sensitive

Now you know... care to share yours

I am BAAAAAAAAAAACCCCCCCKKKKKKKKK

2009-06-10T10:24:00.002+02:00

Ladies,

I hopped onto the torture me now, um I mean scale yesterday for entertainment value. I figured the day couldn't get any worse.

And....... I am back to my pre fertility treatment and pre pregnancy weight. Happy, dance, happy, dance!!!!!!

The tummy is flat again, the bum still needs some work, but all in all I am starting to become a little happier with my appearance. (Gasp, shock and horror... she's happier with her body)?

Hair is

2009-06-08T14:17:00.001+02:00

cut, coloured and looking fabulous!

Thank you to my super talented sister.

Now bring on the 15th, so that I can get paid and buy a camera that works.

I Have Decided

2009-06-04T14:08:00.003+02:00

I'm leaving my hair dark, and my sister, the uber talented hair stylest, is going to cut and style it for me on the weekend.

Here's what I'm doing.

I love the colour too, but I'm far to conservative to even attempt it.

Spoiler alert!!!!

2009-06-04T10:25:00.002+02:00

Of all the programs on tv, I absolutely love Greys Anatomy. I simply cannot miss an episode! I love the characters, the story line is brilliant, and the way the MacDreamy looks at Mer, is just the most dreamy thing on the planet. I was sad to see some of the previous characters leave the show, and I absolutely broke my little heart when Denny died. But, when Izzy got sick I absolutely HAD to read further and see what happens. I'm HORRIFIED.

Giant spoiler alert, if you watch the show religously, and don't want to know what happens then don't read further.

Derek figures out a way to get to Izzie's tumor. He wants to remove part of her hippocampus, a common surgery for seizure patients, but one that could affect her memory and her speech. Given the severe possible side effects, Izzie is reluctant to go that route. Dr. Swender wants to try her on IL2 medicine, which has kept her "miracle" patient alive and tumor-free for two years.To see how Izzie's memory might be affected by the surgery, they do a test where they show her flashcards and then ask her to say what was on them, repeating it with the right half of her brain has been put to sleep. She's unable to speak or even nod when Meredith asks her to tell her who Alex is. Dr. Swender and Meredith are adamantly opposed to the surgery and after talking to the IL2 patient, Izzie decides to try the less radical approach.Alex wants to know what Derek would do: "What if it was Meredith?" he asks. Derek tells him, "I would ask her to have the surgery."

Owen tells Cristina he's had a good session with his shrink, but she wants to know when he's going to tell his mother he's back from Iraq. George works with Owen on a patient, an ex-soldier with constant, excruciating pain in his leg. The doctors can't find anything wrong, but the soldier wants them to cut if off so he can get back to Iraq. George asks the soldier why he wants to go back so badly and he explains that he has nothing in common with his relatives and that the guys in Iraq are his "real family." Arizona wants Miranda to scrub in with her on a pediatric case, but Richard lures her back to general surgery with his newest acquisition: A high-tech robotic operating system. She absolutely loves it and eagerly jumps at the chance to do a second surgery with the hospital's new toy. Arizona vows to fight the Chief for Miranda's time.Alex can't believe Izzie has decided against the surgery. "It's not just your life at stake anymore," he shouts at her. "You're having the surgery!" Derek is furious with Cristina for talking Izzie out of the surgery, until Meredith tells him she's the one who talked to Izzie. Meredith tells Derek how her mother wasn't her mother anymore once she got Alzheimer's, how she lost her dignity, her memory. Derek insists it's not the same thing, and that Izzie's condition is treatable. He orders Meredith, as his resident, to go back and talk Izzie into the surgery.

Izzie is talking over her decision with the IL2 patient when the woman collapses. Surgery doesn't go well and Izzie looks on as Swender tells the woman's family that there is no hope she'll ever be off a ventilator.Izzie pages George to ask him what to do. "You know what to do," he says. "You've already made the decision." Izzie tells Derek he can operate, but she doesn't want to end up on a ventilator. She signs a DNR but Alex wants her to tear it up. "I can't live like this," she says. "And I can't live if something goes wrong. It's not what I want." She says she "went crazy" when Denny signed his DNR but begs Alex not to do the same thing. "If it comes down to it, just let me go," she pleads.Owen tells Cristina he's decided to go back to Iraq, and that his nightmares are the result of "unfinished business." She tells him she doesn't want him to die. He asks her, "Come with me," and they end up on his mother's doorstep.It's a different doctor who knocks on the army recruiter's door: George, who's inspired by the soldier's passion. The soldier talks Callie into amputating his leg but she freezes when it comes time to cut. "We're not doing harm. We're saving him," Owen tells her.

After seeing Izzie wheeled off to surgery, Meredith says to Derek, "Let's go to City Hall tomorrow. I don't want to spend another day not being married to you." After the surgery, Izzie wakes and is told she's fine, apart from "sluggish" kidneys. She is jubilant when Derek tells her he got the whole tumor out. But then she asks again about how the surgery went. And again. "Did you screw up her brain?" demands Alex, but Derek asks him to stay calm, that this could just be a temporary post-op condition. Since Derek and Meredith are getting married, and won't want housemates anymore, Mark asks Lexie to move in with him. When she says she wants to wait several years, at least, he takes a patient's advice and tells her that he's "moving on" and that he's going to buy a house on his own.After the visit to his mother, Owen tells Cristina he slept without any nightmares for the first night since he's been home. "I'm getting better," he tells her, and asks her to think about taking him back.

George stuns everyone with the news that he's joined the Army to be a trauma surgeon. Miranda and Callie plan an intervention for later that day to stop him from reporting for duty the next morning. Arizona doesn't understand why they have to stop him, saying it's "awesome," that he's joined up. Callie can't believe Arizona won't back her up and asks, "Who are you?"Arizona demands to know why Miranda isn't jumping for joy at the news she's been awarded a prestigious pediatrics fellowship. Miranda explains it's a big decision: If she accepts the job, along with the extra hours of training, her husband will divorce her. A severe trauma case comes in: A man who jumped in front of a bus to save a woman he didn't even know. The team works on him frantically, debating whether they can save his arm. His skull is bashed in, so he can't speak and he has no I.D., so they dub him, "John Doe." The woman whom he saved tells Meredith how she was mean to him, just before he saved her life, but now she's decided he's her Prince Charming, and refuses to leave his side.During surgery on John Doe, Owen wonders how George will do in Iraq. "You think he can handle it?" he asks and Callie says, "No, I don't." But Derek says, "I think he's going to surprise us all," and Mark predicts, "He's coming home in a body bag." Meredith asks them all to "shut the hell up."

Alex starts writing down vital infromation on notes for Izzie, notes like, "Derek got the whole tumor out." And "Your memory sucks." He repeatedly quizzes her on details like what time she got up, but she can't remember any of it. Cristina tells him that Izzie needs to rest, but Alex believes she needs to exercise her memory, "before it all turns to mush." Cristina threatens to ban Alex from her bedside if he keeps badgering her and he insists that Izzie's future depends on him. Cristina wants to know if Meredith is happy, if the therapy worked. "Are you better now?" she asks. Meredith confesses she's getting married today and Cristina hands her something new (a pack of Post-its), something borrowed (a pen), both blue. After lamenting about Izzie's condition, Meredith says, "It's important to tell the people you love how much you love them while they can hear you." She smiles and says, "I love you Cristina Yang." "You have changed," says Cristina, who goes to tell Owen that she loves him and that she "can't breathe without you." Owen tells her, "We can do this. Just meet me halfway. All you have to do is say yes." Arizona tells Callie why she thinks George enlisting is a good thing: "My brother died because there weren't enough doctors over there. So for my money, George O'Malley is a patriot. So yeah, the word I use is awesome. That's who I am." Callie stops her from leaving the room and apologizes. Alex keeps drilling a fatigued and confused Izzie until she tells him to back off. "You made me promise you that you wouldn't live like this," he shouts. "So now what am I supposed to do? Smother you with a pillow?"

Miranda asks Richard if there's still a spot available in general surgery. He can't believe she's asking to come back when he's finally given her his approval to join pediatrics. "Tucker gave me an ultimatum: My fellowship or our marriage," she explains, saying she's going to leave him. But she has to turn down the fellowship because now she's going to be a single mom. Meredith panics because there isn't time to get married, between watching Izzie, George's intervention, and all their surgeries. Derek tells her they can get married another day, but she replies, "There is no other day. Every day is like this. Every day is a crisis. I love you and I want to marry you today, but there is no time." He asks her if she has a piece of paper and suggests they write their vows right then. She hands him a blue Post-it. "What do we want to promise each other?" "That you'll love me even when you hate me." "No running," Derek suggests. "We'll take care of each other even when we're old and smelly and senile. And if I get Alzheimer's and forget you," she adds and he says he'll remind her who he is every day. He writes it all on down and asks her to sign. "This is our wedding? A Post-it?" she asks, but she signs it and Derek says, "Now I kiss the bride."
Izzie unloads on Cristina about how Alex threatened to smother her with a pillow and they both realize that she's got her memory back. Cristina finds Owen and tells him, "Yes." Callie and Miranda are stunned to learn that George has already left the hospital: Richard told him to take the day off and spend it with his mother. John Doe tries to communicate with Meredith. He spells out "007" in her palm. She realizes with a shock who he is: It's George!Alex gets the news about Izzie's memory having returned and joyfully hugs her, saying, "You're back," but she collapses in his arms. Alex tries to revive her but Cristina reminds him that she'd signed a DNR. "Alex it's not what she wants," she says, but he keeps working on her. "Screw the DNR," Richard shouts and they all try to bring her back. We see Izzie, in the prom dress she wore the day Denny died, get into the elevator. The door opens and George is waiting for her in uniform.

WTF WTF WTF WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm upset, distraught even. And now we have to wait months to find out what happens. UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!

Still here...

2009-06-01T09:34:00.002+02:00

Still here, still have the flu, still feel like crap!

Will update both blogs soon... promise

Kids are psychic

2009-05-26T08:51:00.002+02:00

I took the day off yesterday. Jordan's teeth have been causing ear and attitude problems, and I have a bout of flu. I had planned to go and see family at 10:30, knowing that he goes down for his nap between 9 and 10. This left plenty of time for me to shower and pack his day bag before he woke up. When I was still sitting around at 9:45 watching my offspring have sporadic bouts of giggling whilst playing peek - a - boo from under his duvet, I got to thinking how kids always seem to know what you've planned and always put a spanner in the works.

My Mom always said she didn't need contraceptives; she had 3 kids. The all day flirting and suggestive foreplay usually ended in nothing, with the "coupe de grande" being foiled by a teenager blasting incomprehensible music or some sibling argument of monumental, earth shattering proportions, or worse... all of the above. A family member told me how her brother had run into his parents bedroom one Sunday during nap time, jumped on his Father's back mid stride and screamed in absolute delight; "I ride horsy too". A real passion killer. Or, when I had phoned one of my friends and was told by her then 4 year old son, that Mommy was otherwise predisposed due to "Daddy talking to Mommy's mick right now". I myself have had my step son standing at our door one night when we thought he was fast asleep, extremely concerned because we were breathing far to deeply, and surely we must be ill.

Although we all sit and laugh at these situations now, one has to wonder how they knew. What 6th sense they were born with in order to somehow pick up on the impending future, and at what point they lose this ability.

Indeed, kids are born with a psychic gift, an ability to know what their parents have planned, and an acute covert ability to masterfully move between rooms without our knowledge, and like those Ninjas in corny B grade movies, appear from the corners and pounce when we least expect.

I will leave you with something my step son said once. "Ma... kids know stuff"!

I Heart Spur

2009-05-21T10:46:00.004+02:00

Last night we went out to grab a burger each from Spur. Monday and Wednesday is burger night, a regular beef, chicken or rib burger for R24-95. Well, Wednesdays are also burn your bill night. One lucky table every hour or so gets their bill burnt via lucky draw.

Guess who's R225- bill was burned?

I *Heart* Spur!

Assvice please

2009-05-19T14:47:00.006+02:00

Hi Ladies,

Some thoughts, advice etc from you please.

I am essentially a very basic woman. I don't wear makeup often, and most the time I throw my hair back into a ponytail, add some lip ice and off we go. Lately, I suppose having a baby will do this to you, I have been wanting to put more effort into my appearance. Specifically, I'd like to start applying makeup, eye shadow to be exact. But, as self critical as I am, I can't even decide what shape my eyes are in order to correctly apply the damned stuff. So here is a picture with different eye shapes, and a picture of me at yet another family/friends shoot, without any makeup. Yes I know, every photographers absolute nightmare! What shape do you think I have.

The other involves my hair.

I am a natural blond. A while back some one suggested I colour my hair dark brown, as it would bring out my blue eyes. I did, and I loved it, love it. Lately, I have been thinking of going back to blond. The problem is that if I do I will have to walk around with orange hair for a while, because the colour stripper will leave a tint of the current colours undertone. Add to this the damage that colour stripper does to your hair and I'm not so sure.

Please excuse the photo, it was a chocolate fountain, it was behind me for the entire duration of the wedding smelling like chocolaty goodness, and when it was time to tuck in, I did just that.

You can see a brunette pic above.

So what do you think?

In preparation....

2009-05-18T10:50:00.007+02:00

In preparation for the pictures of the nursery, which is finally nearing completion, here are the before pictures. It's only taken almost the full duration of a pregnany, 8 months to get to where it is. Next time.... the nursery will be completed before the baby is conceived!

I think I've lost my mind...

2009-05-15T09:50:00.004+02:00

For as long as I can remember, I've wanted to be a Mom. I've dreamed of my growing belly, of feeling my baby move and grow inside me, of holding them, and smelling them, and seeing their smile. The day I received the count on my 1st beta, the Fertility Clinic told me to be prepared for twins, my husband was petrified, I was ecstatic. I must confess, I was a little disappointed when we saw one heartbeat, I asked the Doctor if he was sure there was only one baby in there. Please don't lynch me, I wouldn't trade my son for anything in the world, I just had this romantic dream of holding two babies.

I loved every second of my pregnancy, I spent so much time everyday, caressing my belly and watching it swell and grow. I eagerly followed growth mails, and read what was happening with my little one. I delighted in feeling him hiccough inside me, and loved every nudge, kick and punch. The birth was less than ideal, but I at least got to have the natural birth I longed for.

Holding my perfect little boy for the 1st time was the most amazing experience, and I know nothing will ever replace that, he didn't cry and was quite content to lay on my chest. I will never forget how he looked up at me with those beautiful eyes. He was so tiny and petite, I just couldn't believe that this little being had grown inside me, and instinctively knew that I was his Mom.

There have been rough times, but the bottom line is that he is a good baby. He doesn't fuss much, and hardly ever cries. He smiles and talks and loves everyone. I can see him grow a little more everyday and it's beautiful.

So, why have I lost my mind? Our son is barely four months old and I long to be pregnant again. There are moments where I wonder what I was thinking when I wished for it, but they are so few and far between. Jordan is all and more than I could ever ask for, but somehow my heart and body aches to be pregnant again.

Why? I really need some rational answers here, I'm at a loss.

I appreciate you need to make money, but ....

2009-05-14T10:25:00.003+02:00

I don't know what it's like in other parts of sunny South Africa, but here in the Eastern Cape, specifically Port Elizabeth, we have a huge quantity of parking guards. Now, I'm the first to applaud people for trying to make an honest living, and I do understand that a lot of these people have completed courses and are with legitimate companies. But then you get the other bunch, those people that find themselves a luminous waste coat and hound you in every parking lot in town.

Please tell me dude with an orange waste coat, how do you know more about driving than me? In the 10 years I have been driving, I have never managed to reverse into anyone. I have three, yes count them, one, two, three, mirrors in my vehicle which help me see what is happening behind me. I have this amazing ability to turn to look and my blind spot, and see if there are any cars approaching, or reversing at the same time. I also have sensors. You see, it's this nifty little invention that picks up anything in close proximity to the back of my vehicle, and sets off an alarm inside the compartment. The closer the obstruction, the louder the noise, and the fact that you refuse to move further than 3 meters from the rear bumper of my vehicle, is making the sensors go off, extremely loud and extremely fast, thus causing me to brake, which in turn is causing a hold up in traffic. I have to tell you, I am tempted to put my car in reverse and ignore the sensors, just to see how quickly you can get out of the way. I appreciate that you have been "watching" my vehicle, but I highly doubt that out of 50 odd vehicles in this parking lot, that you would be able to pin point which one is mine. I would also like to know what you plan on doing should anyone break into my vehicle? Perhaps blow on them with your last nights booze breath? And for this you expect me to pay you? You have caused me nothing but frustration and time wastage. Seriously guy, I can drive better than you, and I promise I don't need your help!

I love it when Mommy pulls funny faces

2009-05-11T09:33:00.010+02:00

Scroll down and see what happens.

Apparently I have a career opportunity in Comedy.

Another New Project

2009-05-06T13:05:00.002+02:00

Ladies,

Please pop over to my other blog, the link is under Posts I Read Daily, Good Food, Good Wine, Good Living.....

I want to share my passion with everyone, and would love to hear some of your favourite things to eat, drink, buy, see etc.

Nix
XOXOXO

Last Weeks Eating Plan

2009-05-04T11:27:00.000+02:00

Mix and match as you feel fit

BREAKFAST
2 slices toast
Muesli and yoghurt

SNACKS
Apples
Provita
Marie biscuits

LUNCH
Cheese, tomato and lettuce sandwich
Open tuna sandwich
Avo on toast
Left over chicken in a green salad

SNACKS
As above

SUPPER
Roast chicken with veggies, rice and potatoes
Spaghetti bolognaise with a side salad
Pork chops, potato wedges, green salad and bean salad
Mexican beef wraps filled with beef strips, tomato, cucumber and a spicy tomato sauce
Springbuck potjie and rice
Barbeed prawns in lemon and garlic butter, barbeed baby marrow, aubergines, savoury turmeric rice
Roast leg of lamb, roast potatoes, pati pans, baby marrows, baby carrots and rice

SUNDAY DESSERT
Cocoa pancake, with pineapple and berry filling

TEA
3 cups a day (I’m so proud of me)

Water 2 litres a day

Men!....They start early

2009-05-04T08:27:00.004+02:00

SHARKS FANATICISM.... IT STARTS EARLY!

POSSESSION... IT STARTS EARLY!

This is a morning routine. Hubby puts the little man in bed with me in the morning. When he has fed the animals and made the tea, hubby comes back to fetch him. That's when the screaming happens... he grabs onto my shoulder, or hair, whichever is closer and starts wailing. Mommy has to get up and comfort him, or the house will come down.

The fog clears... sort of

2009-04-29T09:58:00.003+02:00

Thanks for your messages of support ladies.

We are making progress with the house, although I'm loathe to say it out loud, because Sod always seems to have another plan. An architect came to have a look today and will be drawing up some plans to take to the bank for an additional loan. You've already seen the stove and oven. I seriously don't know what these people did to the house between July when we bought it and February when we moved in, whatever it was, it doesn't seem possible.

I will post the weeks eating plan and exercise regime a little later.

Thanks again!

Feeling a little lost

2009-04-28T13:10:00.002+02:00

Hi ladies,

I've not updated my blog for a little while. To be entirely honest with all of you, I'm feeling a little lost. At the moment I'm floating from one day to the next in the hopes that I will remember to breath. I need to vent, to write, but once again too many people read my blog and assumptions will be made about whether I'm happy or not. And I am, happy.... I just feel lost?! Does that make sense. Maybe it's my hormones playing havock. Maybe it's the fact that I really don't feel all that safe or comfortable in my home, it's still such a disaster area, and we are 3 and a half months post baby birth, and I still don't have a nursery, or one complete room to live in, over a year later. Could be that I really haven't had maternity leave, when you own your own business you just don't get that privilage. I just don't have the strength to do anything other than exist. The only thing that gives me true joy at the moment is my son.

So there you have it, perhaps I have confused you more than I've confused me... but that's how I feel. Totally and utterly lost!

Welcome to the World Jayden

2009-04-24T14:14:00.002+02:00

Well done Mommy Marthie and Daddy Craig!

Welcome to the world little Jayden.

May your lives be filled with love, joy and laughter.

Baby M

2009-04-23T08:03:00.002+02:00

Dearest Baby M,

You are a miracle, Mommy and Daddy tried for so long to have you. They asked God everyday for you and they waited for what seemed like forever.

One day Mommy woke up and didn't feel that good and Daddy decided that Mommy should have a look and see what was happening. Mommy bought a magic wand that tells you if there is a baby in her tummy. One line for no baby, two and there is. You can imagine how surprised Mommy was when her magic wand had two lines. I don't think she believed it, because she even went to the doctor to find out if it was lying, and then she went back to the doctor just in case it was all a dream. Mommy and Daddy went to see if everything was alright and to take a photo of you. I know that they will never forget the day they saw your beautiful butterfly heart beating on the screen in the doctors offices.

You've spent 9 months growing in your Mommy's belly and in your Daddy's heart, you've even grown in some of Mommy's Internet friends hearts. Mommy and Daddy have decided that it's time to meet you though. I'm asking you not to give your Mommy a hard time coming out. I know she is comfortable and cozy, but there are so many people who want to meet you. We are all going to pray that you arrive safely in Mommy and Daddy's arms and we are all going to thank God for the little miracle that you are.

Tomorrow you will be born into a world of love.

Aunty Nikki

Dilemma

2009-04-21T11:41:00.008+02:00

Ladies help me out here. I have a dilemma, one involves instant gratification, the other long term planning, both will make me equally happy.

There are two things on this planet that make me positively giddy. Cooking/entertaining and capturing memories.

My camera is in desperate need of an upgrade, it is no longer focusing and is quite literally making everything look fat, and my kitchen is circa 1960, complete with old cracking linoleum floors and open shelving cupboards. My stove and oven were replaced very quickly because the built in looked like this..........

... yes that is seriously what it looked like, these are actual photos on the day we moved in. I had reasons for almost losing my mind when we moved in, and I'm sure you will agree that I'm justified in pulling it out and throwing it away.

So my dilemma is this,

Instant gratification that I can buy tomorrow if I like

which will take at least 6 months to save up for.

HELP, I'm torn!!!!!!!!!

Plan for today

2009-04-20T15:09:00.002+02:00

BREAKFAST: 2 slices of toast with Avo.

SNACK: None

LUNCH: I felt like a chicken pie.... I had a chicken pie:)

SNACK: Hot cross bun

SUPPER: Deboned, skinless chicken breasts, stuffed with chedder and bacon bits, drizzeled with olive oil, spiced and grilled. Savoury rice, a green salad and balsamic vinegar.

EXERCISE FOR THE DAY: A brisk walk around the block with baby in the pram to get my heart rate up, weights 5 x 10 reps with 2.5kg dumbbells.

Todays eating plan and ab secret

2009-04-17T13:15:00.004+02:00

BREAKFAST: Bowl of Kellogg's Corn Flakes with 1/2 banana cut into it & of course a cup of tea

SNACK: A marshmallow chocolate Easter egg, (af is obviously about to arrive)

LUNCH: 1 Italian roll with pickle mix cottage cheese. (I use plain chunky cottage cheese, chop up pickled onion, a gherkin and some spring onions. Mix it all together and add salt n pepper to taste

SNACK: I really don't know... probably a plum or two

SUPPER: My stepson has invited his girlfriend and their friends around, so I'll be cooking for quite a few hungry teenagers tonight. We will definitely be braaing to wind down. On the menu, a rib eye steak each and boerewors to share. A green salad with the usual ingredients, a potato salad, mielies on the cob and a French loaf stuffed with feta, garlic, sun dried tomatoes and olives. (I only stuff half with olives because half of us eat them and half of us don't). A glass of wine... my special treat.

THE MUCH AWAITED AB SECRET... (I will post a video on Monday, just in case you're confused).

Get yourself a big towel or yoga mat, you will sweat.
Lay down on the towel on your back.
Bend your knees so that your feet are on the ground and your knees are about 90 degrees to the floor. Walk your bum down, so that your back is absolutely flat on the ground, (a bit difficult for us ladies with a hollow back).
Straighten your arms next to your sides, palms facing the floor.
Tighten your abs and take 5 deep breaths. (This may take a little practice).
Now lift your shoulders about 2cms from the ground, taking care not to bend your neck or round your shoulders too much. Lift your arms from the ground so that they are in line with your knees. This is your starting position.
Now rock slightly forward, do not use your lower back at all, the aim here is to crunch your abs, you should be able to just touch your knees with your fingers.
Now here is the tricky part.... back down to your starting position. You may not rest your shoulders back on the floor, you need to remain 2cms from the ground and you need to keep your neck straight and shoulders only slightly rounded. You can test your position by placing one of your hands on top of your abs, they will feel tight and hard.
If you're doing it properly, you should start to feel your top abs begin to burn after about the 10th crunch.
Start with 10 crunches, lay flat and take 5 deep breaths. Now repeat the process.
Depending on how strong your abs are, you should start with 50 crunches and work your way up to 100. You will know you're ready to add an extra 10 when you are not feeling the burn at the end of your allotted amount.

SIDE AB CRUNCHES.

Repeat steps 1 through 6 above. Instead of crunching your abs up toward your knees, twist your body to the right and aim to touch your left knee with your right hand, taking care not to lift from your back, but rather from your stomach.
Back to starting position, now to the left and touch your right knee with your left hand.
If you feel you can, extend the crunch to just past your knee, but not too far, as you will start to lift your side of the floor.
Repeat.
Repeat steps 10 and 11.
You should start feeling a burn on the top and sides of your stomach.

LOWER ABS.

You might want to do this in private, because, well there is no dignified way of doing it and you will look stupid.
Find a continental pillow or fold a towel up and kneel down on it.
Make sure your knees are about 10cms apart.
Hands on your hips. Pull your stomach and bum in nice and tight.
Thrust your hips forward and moving to whichever side feels natural, begin a figure of 8 movement with your hips only, don't use your knees or your thighs.
Repeat 5 times and rest.
Repeat the process until you have done 25.
WARNING: This particular ab exercise if done too often or with too many reps causes that v shape going down into the pubic area. Now although it looks super sexy on men when that area is very defined, it can look a little strange on women. I learned this the hard way. What you're going for is more of a "come hither" look, not giant flashing neon lights.

Some strangeness.... If you put your hands on your top abs, the ones just under your rib cage, straight after you have finished a set of crunches, and particularly near the end of your work out you will still feel them contracting and releasing.

New task

2009-04-16T17:29:00.002+02:00

It has become abundantly clear over the short time that I have been blogging, that people take offence to certain things that have been written. As a result, many of us our too scared to express our thoughts on our own blogs, for fear of backlash. We don't know who reads the things we write and sometimes we hurt the people we care about because of that.

Because of the above I have started a separate blog, a place where anyone can post anything anonymously. Whether it be poetry, pictures, your random thoughts or just a good old rant about someone or something. You may choose to have the comments disabled for that particular post, and your name will not be published unless you specifically ask for it.

It's already set up, all you need to do is send an email to; behindourveil@gmail.com and I will publish what you have to say. It goes without saying that pornography and the like will not be accepted, but everything else goes. A disclaimer will be posted at the beginning of any content that may be offensive.

ME: with your permission I would like to post a request for anyone who needs to write, but doesn't have a blog at OPM.

Sometimes we need a special place to hide, sometimes a place to run, and sometimes a place to prove we're not insane.

The First Step...

2009-04-16T11:54:00.002+02:00

What gives you the impression I am stalling with the pictures of my body..... I promise they will be posted soon.

But, in the meantime I need to share a secret with you. I do NOT believe in diets! None of them, no low GI, no no protein, no negative calories, NONE.... I'm I making my point clear here. I've seen so many people dieting and losing weight only to put that same weight and some more back on. Our bodies are simply not designed to be deprived of anything.

Having said that, we are also forced to put an enormous amounts of chemicals and synthetic vitamins into our bodies in the foods we eat. Even the water we drink is not healthy.

Years ago I made some changes to my diet, permanent changes that have become a lifestyle. These changes resulted in me dropping kilos, not 1 or 2 but 15. I didn't diet, I did no exercise, and I didn't deprive myself of anything. In the beginning it was difficult to get used to the changes, but now if I go back to any of these items they taste strange and my body reacts violently.

Before I start though, I want you all to know that I have a very deep passion for food. I love everything about it, the smell, the taste, the texture. Every aspect of food thrills me and I've often said I could go without very many things in my life, as long as I have a descent kitchen, stove and oven, cooking utensils and a fully stocked pantry. I am a business owner and I work from home, my husband and step son work with me and as you know we have a small baby, so our meals are quick to prepare, usually don't contain strange ingredients and are done 3 times a day. Anyone can do it.

So, here are those changes, don't do them gradually, make them all at once and bear with the strangeness, within a week you won't even notice them.

No more white sugar. Substitute it for brown sugar instead. It's far less refined. Once you've had brown sugar for a while, try the white and feel how your body reacts. White sugar will taste metallic and you will sugar rush and burn.
Start cutting down on the coffee, or drink decaf. I drank anywhere between 5 and 10 cups a day, if I drink 5 cups a year now, it's a lot. Large quantities of caffeine causes the body to hold water and fat. Again, try a cup once you've eliminated it from your life and feel how violently reacts.
Try to keep you tea consumption to a maximum of 3 cups a day. I still struggle with this, but it's well worth it.
It goes without saying, keep your water intake up to 2 litres or 8 250ml glasses a day.
No more full cream milk, 2% or skim. I find that skim is a little to bland for me, so I use 2%.
No more white bread, it doesn't fill you up, it is full of refined sugars and flour and it's generally not good for you.
Eat breakfast every day, you need to kickstart your metabolism. I hated breakfast, now I can't go without it. 2 slices of toast will do, maybe a bowl of muesli or cerea, but eat when you wake up, it's important.
Balance your meals. I will post our daily meals for the next two weeks. Feel free to steal any ideas or ask for ingredients if you like.
Try to differentiate your body's pangs. Hunger and thirst pangs feel the same but, if you really pay attention you will learn the difference.
Most importantly, never deprive yourself of anything. If you feel like chocolate, have it. You don't need a whole slab, just a regular size chocolate will do. When we deprive ourselves, our bodies crave that particular food more. I have a particularly large issue with crisps. Ask yourself the question, do I want it because I see it, or do I need it because my body needs it.

Here is what we've eaten as a family;

BREAKFAST: 2 slices brown bread toast, one with Bovril and one with Strawberry Jam, and a cup of tea.

I've had a banana in between because I got peckish.

LUNCH: Good 'ol sandwich, with lettuce tomato and cheese. Salt and pepper to taste, and I can't live without my Mayo. Cup of tea

I'll probably get snackish at about 15:00 and grab about 5 Provita or salty cracks, or if I feel like something sweet Maries.

SUPPER: I pre cooked an Indian beef curry yesterday, and will switch the stove back on tonight and heat it. We'll have some rice and I will chop some onion, tomatoes and banana's to serve with it. Cup of tea.

Water, as much as possible.

Tomorrow I will share the ab secret, but I'll have to get hubby to take some photo while I do it.

Happy 3 Months

2009-04-15T11:14:00.002+02:00

I know I promised before photos of my bod, but something more important has to be done today.

Today our little boy is 3 months old...

Congratulations Jahni

2009-04-14T15:14:00.002+02:00

A massive congratulations on the birth of your little girl, Nicole.

May your love for eachother grow everyday.

All our Love
XOXOXOX

2009-04-08T12:15:00.004+02:00

I got this off of Nats blog, and I really enjoyed it - if you want to play along, please do.

For Today...

Outside my window... The sun is shining, and there is not a breathe of wind, quite something for good old PE.

I am thinking... about our trip to my Grandparents tomorrow, I'm so excited

I am thankful for...Everyday I am able to get up and live

From the kitchen... Tonights fare, bacon pasta with a tomato and basil pesto, a Greek salad and garlic, feta and sundried tomato bread.

I am wearing... Blue summer pants and a black top

I am reading... Dean Koontz, The Taking

I am hoping...for a safe trip to Hiberdene through the Transkei

I am creating... A bling binky for the arrival of baby M

I am hearing... Sky FM

Around the house... Chaos

One of my favorite things... is my 10 minutes in the morning with my son lying next to me, and seeing the love he has for me

A few plans for the rest of the week... Drive through the Transkei, get to my Grandparents and relax

Before the Before Pictures...

2009-04-06T13:29:00.002+02:00

After a whole lot of internal debate, I'm going to do it! (Gulp). I'm going to post my "get my body back" pics, updates and tips. As motivation, I have posted these two pics from photo shoots that were done prior to baby and fertility drugs. This is what I'm aiming to get back to.

Now before I start, I cannot fit into either pair of pants anymore, and it's safe to say that my breasts are never going to be as small as they were, so the white top is out of the question. I have been blessed with abdominal muscles of steel, and the only thing that seems to have bounced back is my tummy, (thank you mommy), although I still have a little bit of a paunch.

The problem is my ASS. I developed this tyre of fat around my backside, hips and upper thighs during my pregnancy, so that is priority number 1. I will however, be working on my stomach, arms etc as well. I want to reiterate that this is not about kilo's lost or gained, but rather about feeling comfortable with my own body again. I want to be able to prance around in undies in front of my husband, quite frankly I'm not designed for this whole leopard crawling to avoid being looked at.

And ladies, because I love you all, I will reveal my top secret ab crunches. You're bound to have a flat stomach in 19 days of working the little buggers out this way. They hurt like hell, your body will protest, but it's so worth it in the end.

I will put the post baby pics up after Easter, because, well.... it's bound to get worse with all that chocolate around, but Wednesday next week we start the process of getting back into shape.

GRILLING GOODNESS...

2009-04-02T08:29:00.003+02:00

Got this from Nat's blog http://thehenmans.blogspot.com/, so here goes it.

Are you competitive?Extremely very competitive, I don't however compete with other people, only with myself.
What do you most often eat for breakfast? Toast and tea on every day except Sundays when we usually have a full English breakfast.
Do you have a 'raggidy' piece of furniture?No... although my mattress really needs to be replaced.
What do you wash your face with? Placecol, only Placecol, their products are awesome!
What colors does Spring make you want to wear? Blue
Do you like working your flower beds? No, I don't have green fingers, plants die around me
What is something you want that you've never had? I'm pretty content with my life as it is.
How many miles do you have on your car? 25000km
Do you prefer to write with pen or pencil? Any stationery, I LOVE stationery, as long as it's mine and you haven't touched it
What was off limits to you growing up that you do all the time now? I dunno. I pretty much stick to what I was raised with, but we don't have a dining room and east in front of the TV which I HATE!!!
What is the age difference between you and your spouse? I'm not saying, but let's just sat he's much older
Did you hurt yourself in anyway this week? I'm always bashing myself about
Do you like wallpaper enough to hang it in your home? No way, only thing resembling wall paper in my house is the teddies on Jordan's wall
What do you need to do that you've been putting off? Nothing, I do things the moment I get them. It creates order in my little life.
What did you do this week that you wish you hadn't? Lost my temper with my poor suffering husband
Did anything keep you up late this week? Nope, only the little mans night feed, which, touch wood is getting later and later... YAY!

So, tag anyone who wants to do it.

Contemplation.....

2009-03-31T10:55:00.002+02:00

So I'm contemplating a post. I need motivation to get my body back to tip top shape. I was thinking of posting a pic of myself, in a bikini to look back and see how far I've come while trying to get back into shape.

But! Here is the problem.

I have always had a really bad self image. I don't like what I see in the mirror, ever, and I have to work really hard to stay positive.
What if someone has something nasty to say?
I don't like people saying you don't need to do anything, you're perfect the way you are. I know when I feel comfortable in my clothes and when I don't.
This is not really about weight, but rather about toning the flabby bits. What happens if I don't see an improvement, will I spiral into another I hate my body discussion with myself?

So ladies, I really need your opinion here, do I do the post and follow up with pics and tips on what I've been doing to get back into shape, or do I leave it and continue to hope that my body will do what it did in my teens and jump back into shape?

10 Things you might not know about me

2009-03-26T13:13:00.003+02:00

Been tagged by Mandy (http://wheresmandysbaby-mandy-leigh.blogspot.com/), so here are 10 things you don't know about me...

I am actually blonde. I was really tired of the high maintenance that came with being blonde and decided to dye my hair 1 shade lighter than black.

I dye my hair with Dark and Lovely, it's the best dye on the market.

I have only ever had one "grown up" job, found I couldn't handle working for a boss and have had my own business since the tender age of 21.

I married a man a whole lot older than me. I've never date anyone less than 10 years older than me.

I have a stationery fetish. If some one other than me touches any of my stationery it will be thrown away and a new one bought to replace the old one.

I am a control freak, and find it very difficult to deviate from plan.

I have a serious temper, and believe that a good fight is necessary in any great relationship. We are all individuals, we all have our own opinions.

I am the eldest of 3 girls and now have only boys in my life. (EEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKK)!!

I have a deeply profound love for chicken pies and cream soda Steri stumpies
I have only one piercing in each ear. No tattoos and no other piercings, because I have an irrational fear of needles. With all my fertility treatments, I injected myself, that way I was in control.

Tag whoever reads my blog....

The Votes are In

2009-03-26T09:16:00.002+02:00

It seems that either;

Men are as shallow as we think, and will say anything to get into our pants.
They actually do like us far more before we put make up on and get self critical.
They like us in the morning because we haven't opened our mouths yet to moan about anything.

Personally, I think that it's number 3.

When are you Sexiest...

2009-03-25T15:01:00.002+02:00

So, this conversation came up at a gathering on the weekend, and to say I was shocked at my husbands answer would be an understatement. Then, all the other husbands, boyfriends, significant others answered, and you could've blown me down with a feather.

And I thought men were generally shallow;

Question: "When do you think your wife is at her most irresistible, super sexy, wouldn't change a thing"?

Answer: "The moment she opens her eyes in the morning, when her hair is all messy, and she's all warm and cozy and still smells a little sleepy" or "when she wears that old pair of jeans with a white tshirt"!

WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Weren't we programmed to believe that we needed to look like super models, perfect hair, perfect makeup, drop dead body, beautiful smile... you get the picture.

And it gets better. The general consensus between all the men was.... when there ladies wake up in the morning.

So here's what I want you to do please. Ask your significant other the all important question, and type the answer in my comments box please. I need to know whether my husband and friends are freaks.

Pam...

2009-03-24T08:48:00.005+02:00

Before I start this post, I need to state that Pam will have me shot for it, but this little blogland is my place to vent my thoughts and share my emotions, regardless of whether they are positive or negative. Pammie, I'm sorry love, but you know how I feel, but I need others to know how I feel. You are a pillar of bright, shiny strength. I cannot believe how positive you are... you are a better person than me.

I've been putting this post off. I don't want to rant, and I'm loathe to say that I have been very angry.

Angry with the situation, angry with God, (which I hate feeling), angry that life can be so damned unfair, angry that good people suffer and bad people seem to prosper all the time.

For those of you who haven't read my blog, Pam is a very good friend of ours. In fact, she is a few steps down the aisle from being family. Two years ago, in November, I doctor butchered her whilst trying to locate an ectopic pregnancy, or inflamed appendix, or or or.... During their butchering of my friend, they found a tumor. Instead of getting hold of the on call Oncologist the doctor cut a piece of the tumor for biopsy. This of course caused the tumor to grow at an exponential rate. After being told that she was cancer free, and then told 2 weeks later that she had cancer, Pam started the long journey on Chemo. The first round of Chemo produced no results, the second a small result, but not enough to warrant the risk of operating and removing the tumor. She was sent to Cape Town a year later, and spent Christmas and her birthday in and out of hospital dealing with the side affects of radiation, more hair loss, nausea and the unknown.

Two months after coming home, she was sent back to Cape Town to get her results. Terminal, 5 years! She is 25 years old, in the prime of her life. She will never get to have kids, experience their smiles, see anything but the town she lives in, grow old, or die with dignity. She will essentially live out the rest of her days off of the shitty little Government grant she will receive from our corrupt system.

She has been robbed, deprived of her life.

I am angry...

and at the risk of sounding like a spoiled kid, IT'S NOT FAIR!!!!!

New Born Shoot

2009-03-19T13:09:00.006+02:00

Here are some photies taken by the super talented, unbelievably amazing Cherie Theron, of Cherie Theron Photography.

Thanks Cher. You're the best!

2 Months Old

2009-03-16T08:46:00.009+02:00

I cannot believe that 2 months ago our lives changed so much. That a year ago, almost to the day, we were heart broken that the last fertility treatment hadn't worked. That a year ago, we were preparing ourselves mentally for "one last try", before funds ran out, and we would have to start saving again. That in one month we were going to get the ever elusive two lines on a stick, and that 9 months later we would be holding our beautiful baby boy.

2 Months Old

2009-03-13T09:49:00.007+02:00

JHB TAXI

The person who wrote this is an absolute genius! We non taxi driving South Africans salute you.

ENJOY!!!

This morning, yours truly, decided to sneak in a pinch of top-secret and highly professional canoe training at Emmerentia dam, before the first farts of the sparrows could escape their imprisoning sphincters, and even before the glories-of-mornings of most non-gay South African men could rise to view the possible prospects of "before work" swims.
Yep, I was up and onto that little patch of water before sunrise, tearing around it at record-breaking pace, sneaking in a wee bit of pre-Duzi training in order to wrestle the crown away from the well slow and soft Martin Dreyer (present Duzi champion, for those of you not in the intellectual canoe mix) next time around.
Anyway, the details of my incredible canoe talent are not up for discussion here, but rather what happened on my drive home after the session, in rush hour traffic and, in particular, on Jan Smuts Avenue near to the Old Parktonian Sports Club around 8am.I was happily chilling in my car, cruising along at about 60kph, in pretty much bumper-to-bumper traffic, with nobody going anywhere any faster; it was simply not an option. Well, not an option for anyone with a brain, with an ounce of logic within their crania, with a drop of sense inside the membranes of their cerebral hemispheres. You'd think that a creature without a brain would equate to a fly or less, a category that includes mosquitoes, stones, anvils and......taxi drivers.
Yep,enter Sipho "I'm a dickhead without a brain cell" Ndlovo, driver of a Toyota Hi-Ace with 4 wheels, 1 brake pad, no lights, half a steering wheel, about 30 people inside and 3 masking-taped windows, standard issue for a South African taxi driver.
He had more than likely participated in the demonstration march last month with hundreds of other taxi driver idiots protesting about having had their 'vehicles' impounded for not being roadworthy. The rocket-scientists couldn't understand what wasn't roadworthy about a taxi with a bobejaan spanner for a steering wheel, or one without brakes (they reckon a handbrake is just as good as the foot brake pedal).
Anyway, my mate Sipho decided things weren't flowing fast enough for him so started weaving in and out of the traffic, arm hanging out of his window like a baboon's tail hanging from its ring piece.
I heard this aeronautical engineer-like taxi driver coming from about 5 cars back, because everyone was hooting and slamming on brakes to avoid the accident that he was trying his damnest to cause. After he narrowly missed the back of my canoe as he swerved in behind me I made a stubborn little vow that he definitely wouldn't be cutting in front of me like that, and so began the fun and games.
The bum-wart first tried the standard tactic of intimidation, just gradually cutting me off, in the typical "you'd better slow down and let me in, or I'll crash into you" method.Well, I used the typical "F_ck you faeces-brain" tactic, with one hand on the hooter, the other pointing straight at him, with my foot firmly on the accelerator, until he backed down like Mike Catt had done in 1995 when Jonah Lomu ran straight over him.This had a snowball effect, which had me chuckling the whole way back to my humble abode. Syphilis-face then decided to put all his well acquired driving skill to the test and adopted the smartest technique of them all, the "Eish, I weel ovah-take on the wrong side" method, one that sadly has caused numerous accidents in the past, including the untimely death of one of our awesome mates a year ago.
This made old Maccatini madder than a spitting cobra with a red hot cactus lodged up its rectum. No skin off the f_cking taxi drivers nose, he just accelerated more, and tried to cut in front of the double-cab in front of me, this after he had hooted at me and showed me a middle finger accompanied with a few swearwords, something that made me want to beat him harder than Campbell hit the gay boy who stabbed him repeatedly with a pen all those years ago!
Well, the fella in front of me had obviously also been observing the proceedings, and likewise refused to let Sipho Dickdribble Ndhlovo in so the acceleration by the monkey continued, while he tried his hardest to outstare the double-cab driver. Sadly for the nuclear physicist the emergency lane was shortly going to end, with a solid stone pavement to mark its ending.
More sadly for him was the fact that he, and his 30-odd passengers were all trying their damnest to "intimidate by staring" myself and the double-cab man, instead of watching the road ahead something that most brain-owners do when driving.
I saw it coming, and was smiling my full-tusk smile even before they hit!!
Anal-bum-wart hit that pavement at about 70kph, 31 passengers bumped their heads on the roof of the Hi-Ace in poetic unison, adding an extra 31 dents to the already-f_cked minibus, and the two front wheels were ripped off the chassis as the bus slid to a delightful halt.
Thankfully no passengers were hurt, which made it the most fantastic thing to witness. Sadly though, Sipho, arm still hanging out of the window,was also unscathed. However, his car was more f_cked than that prostitute at PE harbour named Deloris, and his mood was somewhat down-trodden.
I hooted and made sure he got the full-frontal of my biggest-ever super smile, as did the driver of the double-cab, and then to my absolute joy, looked in my mirror to see every driver behind me doing exactly the same!
The brain-cell-lacker had received his well-earned treatment! I was happier than the Proteas when they beat the Aussies, or at least as happy!!
So folks, what a peachy morning it has been so far. The sun is shining, it's Friday, I've done my training. There will be a lot of thirst quenched this weekend, and Sipho, Faeces-face Ndlovo is one mini-bus short of a taxi!
Now that is justice....!

2009-03-09T08:22:00.006+02:00

SOME THINGS I HAVE LEARNED

My good friend Marthie has approximately 40 days to go until the arrival of her bundle of joy. I am so excited for her. In the middle of my two o' clock feed last night I began to think of all the things I learned during the birth of our little boy and afterwards.

So here is my assvice for any preggo ladies who are reading my blog.

Birth

Labour can happen all of a sudden, it's not always text book and not always picture perfect. Make sure all your bags, including your own is packed.
Buy pamper goodies for yourself, nice smelling shower gel, a new perfume, some easy to apply makeup. It makes all the difference when you can get up in hospital and make pretty. You'll feel like a woman!
Buy breastpads, even if you don't think you'll need them.
Buy cabbage and keep it in the fridge, you WILL need the leaves.
Put a packet of salt in your bag. Bathing your lady bits in it with some cold water will help you heal and give major relief.
Buy Cranberry juice.
Pack your camera and a lot of batteries. You won't have too many.
Pack your cellphone charger.
Keep an old towel handy. A maternity pad won't stem the flow of your waters if they break before you reach the hospital.
Don't leave your bags in the car when you get to the hospital, you'll just have to go back down to fetch them.
Be prepared for a LOT of internal exams.
Labour is a pain that you've never experienced, and will never experience again, unless you decide to have another child, but, it's manageable and empowering.
If you need to go number 2, do it, don't wait. It becomes really difficult to get off the toilet when you're done and you're contracting every 2 minutes.
If it all becomes too much to handle, don't take the pills. They don't help and they make you nausea's.
You are not less of a woman for wanting an epidural. They rock!!!!
Epidurals hurt when they are administered, and the stuff they spray on your back is REALLY cold!
You will have to have a catheter. You wont care.
There is a cheat button on the side of the gas mask they give you. USE IT!!!!!!!!
Switch the epidural off to push. It helps to feel empowered, and your amazing body knows exactly what to do.
When you push, only use the top half of your body, like you're doing a serious abdominal crunch. You conserve energy and it gives you the maximum effect.
Baby's head is the worst part. You will know it's his/her head because it will feel like some one has set your vee jay jay on fire.
When your baby is delivered and they hand him/her to you, you will cry, you will be overwhelmed with emotion, your body will shake, your mind will race and your heart will swell with love.
You will still have to deliver the placenta. You won't care!
The doctor and nurses will press on your stomach to get rid of all the other gunk inside you. You won't care!
You may need to get stitched up. You won't care!
The catheter will need to come out. You won't care!
The epidural will need to come out. You won't care!

After the birth

Get up and walk as soon as you can.
Shower as soon as you can.
Walk from labour to maternity ward, it helps.
You will need more than 2 packs of maternity pads. Nuff said!
Be prepared for stitches and bleeding checks.
Be prepared to have your blood pressure and temperature taken a LOT!
Drink as much cranberry juice to avoid bladder infection from the catheter.
Don't be afraid to say no to visitors. Spend this time, sleeping, bonding with your baby and your husband.
Don't be pressurised into signing up for the millions of things people offer you. If you don't want your baby's hearing checked just yet, that's fine.
If your hospital offers it, get them to register your baby for you. It's so convenient!
If your hospital offers it, get a midwife to come and visit you 3 days after you get home. Her advise will be invaluable and will set your mind at rest.
Remind your husband to put the snug 'n safe into your car. A lot of hospitals won't allow you to leave unless you have one.
When you get home, sleep when baby sleeps.
You will feel like your body will never be the same again. It will, and sooner than you think.
Eat when you can, you probably won't eat with your husband for quite some time. Baby's don't keep your schedule.
Buy formulae and a bottle just in case.
Don't be afraid to say no to visitors.
Don't be afraid to ask for help.
Don't be embarrassed. Your child is the most beautiful child ever born, and no one can tell you differently!
Your baby will turn yellow. It's normal and nothing that a little bit of filtered sun won't help.
And most importantly. Spend time staring at your little angel. Watch them sleep, watch them when they're awake. Take photo's, touch them, hold them, breath them in, and know that you, your husband and God created this miracle.

Enjoy every moment, they grow too fast!

Sad

2009-03-03T09:29:00.002+02:00

Our little man had his injections yesterday. I'm sure I now know what it feels like to be a prison guard, walking a man to death row. Pretend all is fine, smile and make funny faces, all the time knowing that pain is about to be inflicted.

He is sore, sad, feverish and generally unhappy with life.... and I feel responsible.

Now we wait to do it all again in 4 weeks

A New Year, A New Life, A New Look

2009-02-28T15:50:00.007+02:00

Hi All,

You will notice that I have changed the look of my blog. I figured since I was back at work on Monday, (moan), we are in 2009, (my year of changes), and we have our new life to celebrate, I could do with a change in scenery.

So, here are some picture of our little man, 1 month along. Jordan is doing amazingly, has put on a kilo and is ready for his 6 week injections, (EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK)!

PS: I do solomnly swear to update my blog at least every 2nd day this year.

4 weeks old
Look how much I've grown

Finally graduated to my "big" bed

Precious little angel

Holding Daddy's finger

Please don't take ANOTHER photo

Finally an Update

2009-01-28T19:02:00.007+02:00

Finally, I have some time for an update, and what an update...

My final belly shot is below. At 37 weeks and 3 days, at 16:47 our baby boy decided to make his entrance. After 16 & a 1/2 hours of labour, Jordan was born, happy, healthy and weighing in at 2.52kg's.

We are all doing so well, and feel incredibly blessed to have such an amazing gift in our lives. News on the nursery, (or lack thereof) will follow soon.

37 week belly shot, 3 days before our son made his appearance

Contractions and heartbeat just before push time

Our beautiful baby boy enters the world, weighing 2.52kgs and healthy

Some time with Mamma2 days old

Christmas Day

2008-12-29T10:38:00.004+02:00

I will update with plenty of pics of the past few days and my poor husbands tireless work on the nursery, but in the meantime here are a few pics of the 35 week baby bump. Time is coming to an end.
My beautiful niece and of course the bump.
Gorgeous niece, one of my beautiful sisters and bump. Little beached whale...

Speaking of Christmas…

2008-11-14T12:00:00.002+02:00

Traditionally in our home we celebrate 2 Christmas days. The 24th, Christmas eve, where I cook and we as a family unit sit around the table, stuff our faces, drink wine, play cards and make with the merry. The 25th we go off to our respective extended families and have Christmas number 2.

I plan every detail of the Christmas number 1, from colour co-ordination to a menu. I love spending 2 or 3 days in the kitchen preparing the food, tweaking the menu, drinking wine and listening to Christmas songs. This year it’s going to be a little different, at least for me. For starters, there will be no wine for me, iced green tea will suffice. Secondly, we have no dining room this year, a bit difficult to do the whole buffet; starters, 2 roasts, veg, rice, potatoes, pudding, mince pies, etc. Thirdly, I am anticipating that I will be nearing the size of a house, what with me being 8 months pregnant at around about that time, which, and again I am presuming, will mean manoeuvring around my teeny tiny kitchen will be a little on the difficult side, not to mention the swelling feet and sudden inability to deal with the heat.

So, I’ve had to adapt my plans just a little. Firstly, I am going to downsize the meal quite considerably, and although we will still be having 3 courses, I was thinking of doing it a little more French cuisine style…. You know the pretty food that looks like it wouldn’t satisfy a supermodel after starving themselves for 10 days. I figure that 3 courses of pretty, tiny portions on a plate and a large supply of cheese, crackers and Christmas mince pies should keep the rabid wolves at bay. Next I plan on doing the feeding outside, Port Elizabeth Christmas weather permitting. If the wind is howling though, I don’t know what we’ll do. I guess we’ll have to move the lounge around and try to fit the table and chairs inside. And last, I plan on taking from the 22nd off of work so that I have ample time to prepare the food, which will mean that I will only really have to worry about reheating the roasts and putting the veg on, on the actual day.
You see, I told you… serious OCD, but Christmas comes around once a year, it is such a special holiday and an amazing time to spend with the people you love and who love you, why not strive to make it perfect.

Holiday OCD

2008-11-13T13:41:00.000+02:00

For those of you who know me, I suffer from a slight (okay severe) case of OCD, when it comes to certain things. Pens and pencils for one…. Don’t touch them, they’re mine, if you use my pens they are contaminated and somehow never write the same again. Colours are also a bit of an obsession. I don’t like anything to clash with my “chi” e.g. there is a house not so far from ours that is painted pumpkin yellow, with forrest green finishes. Not cool, in fact this particular house hurts my eyes and makes my head very noisy.

Christmas brings out the worst of my OCD tendencies. Firstly because I am so absolutely over the top Christmassy, that I want to put my tree up at the end of October. Secondly, and this ties in with my colour problems, my tree has to be co-ordinated. Two toned with colours that go well with the green of the tree. Even my wrapping has to match. So the question this year was what colour to go with. The year before last was red and gold, last year silver and electric blue and this year???? I was considering a pink and silver theme, because it will probably be the last time in a loooooooong time I’ll be able to have pink in my home, but pink and green, mmm, maybe not! So the question was, a new white Christmas tree, or change my theme. Anyway, I decided on the colours, I obtained the correct colour paper and now it’s just the fight with my Grinch. He maintains that it’s still far too early to be putting up our tree. I on the other hand have a very devious plan, I am going to do my Christmas shopping early this year. By the time all the packets of gifts have been left strewn about the house, he will beg me to put the tree up and wrap the gifts so that he has some semblance of order in his life, (he’s a neat freak).
I’ll have it up soon, I’ll take a photo and post it in all its Christmassy glory.

A Bit of Bragging

2008-11-12T13:35:00.004+02:00

I have borrowed this Disclaimer from Wendi's blog because I couldn't have said it better myself, (I hope you don't mind Wendi)***Disclaimer: this is a heavy post for anyone dealing with infertility/pregnancy loss. Please feel free to skip this post and return tomorrow if you are in a difficult spot right now. I'd completely understand. I almost didn't post this at all but decided a disclaimer was a fair compromise. I am sorry for anyone that this post may hurt. My heart knows the pain of those negative results... and remembers the pain.

Well, we had our long awaited 3D scan yesterday. With tons of maneuvering and sleeping with my bum in the air in the hopes that this little monster would turn and face the right way, (he had spent the better part of 3 days kicking me in my spine and trying to get his bum to push through my belly button). Eventually at 3:30 and me pulling rank with my tummy to get to a toilet in the hospital, (I was desperate), we were taken in to have a look.

Problem number 1, Monster was lying in his "hammock" not on his head like a good little boy, problem number 2, our son has his mother's appetite, our 12 week scan confirmed that when he wouldn't stop munching on his umbilical cord, this time apparently his placenta was quite tastey. He kept sticking his tongue out to lick it, as a result his nose and forehead were squashed flat, but admittedly he has got quite the putty nose... too cute!

We learned some things about babies as well. They cry, smile, open their eyes and have temper tantrums whilst in the womb (he did all 3), smiled at his Daddy's voice and threw a crying temper tantrum when the doctor tried to move him away from his tastey treat. 'S' has threatened to move out because little ones feet, hands and mouth wouldn't stop moving, he's terrified we'll have a hyperactive, A.D.D AND talkative child.

After all the antics, I am happy to report that our son is healthy, fat (a whopping 1,179kg's), and happy. He has 10 fingers and 10 toes, a healthy beating heart and what appears to be quite the head of hair. We are very proud of our cute little boy and can't wait to meet him in a little under 12 weeks.

I have attached some pics, a 2D scan showing his head pushed up against my tummy with his tongue sticking out to lick the top of my tum, the pic of him smiling, and another where you can see a little of his hair, and his fingers in his eye as well as 2 pics of my 7 month baby bump, a distant and close up, or as 'S' likes to call it, "his egg".